AX Nelson is wandering around the bridge, looking around,
moving things and yelling "Rikronian! Tee Servo! Hey come on,
this isn't funny anymore!"
Rikronian and Tee Servo are silently skulking around behind him. Dr. Rikonister and TV's Flash are watching via the hexfield and giggling
Suddenly, AX turns around. "AHA! There you guys are!"
Rikronian: Uh, these aren't the droids you are looking for!
AX: Nice try Kro
Tee Servo: What the hell are you doing?
Rikronian: Hey, the Force gives you power over weak minds
TV's Flash: The Force gives me power over weak... HEY!
Sirens and flashing lights and whatnot ensue
AX: Aaah! We have swanky sign!
Ok! here it is! The second part in our thrilling saga! Enjoy!
Tee Servo: Sir! That is an order I cannot obey! Sir!
AX: Good, because I have this broken leg...
Princess Leia: Anya - Princess Anya
Darth Vader: Cybermessiah - Cyber Vader
C-3PO: Gryphon - G-3Ryphono
R2-D2: Ottergame - Otter2-D2
Luke Skywalker: AnubisXy - Anubis Xywalker
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Rikonain - Obi-Wan Rikonian
Han Solo: Tee-Moss - Tan Mosso
Chewbacca: Edopode - Chedopacca
Stormtroopers: Stormax (duh) - Stormaxers
Captain Khurgee (he was in charge of the scanning crew): Ronin - Captain Roningee
Lieutenant Shann Childsen (the guy who is in charge of the jail and gets shot while the good guys are freeing Leia): Gideon - Leitenant Shann Gideonsen
Chief Bast (Moff Tarkins little henchman): Rob - Chief Rob
Grand Moff Tarkin: Michael Tong - Grand Moff Tong
Tee Servo: What the hell is a "moff" anyway?
Rikronian: Well a muff is a --- Mpph Mpph
AX *Holding Kro's beak shut once again*: Kro! I warned you!!!
That monster in the garbage masher: BazookaMon - BazookaMon
Rikronian: No! That's not dirty! That's what the sewage octopus thingy is called! Read the Shadows of the Empire manual!
AX: Oh, OK
Tee Servo: Oh sure, the writer can remember Capt. Khurgee, but not dianoga. Sheesh
(These people are mentioned, but not actually in this scene)
AX: In others words, he couldn't work these guys in but didn't want them to get too pissed off
Vinnie the Pimp: Vinnie - Vinnie the Pimp
Emporer: ??????? - Emporer
[Scene opens up inside the Death Star. Grand Moff Tong and Cyber Vader are standing there. A porthole shows that the Death Star is very close to Alderrant (Princess Anyas homeworld.)]
Tee Servo: Hey! I thought Alderrant was destroyed int he last
Rikronian: No, that was Alderron
Tee Servo: You're paying attention?
Grand Moff Tong: "Welcome Princess"
Princess Anya: "Moff Tong... I smelled your foul stench when I came on board. "
Grand Moff Tong: "Funny, I just took a bath three years ago... You have been brought here to witness this battlestation's first fireing. In a way, you have chosen the planet that will be destroyed."
Princess Anya: "Huh?"
AX (As Moff Tong): Well, Princess, you are the grand prize
winner of our Pick a Planet to Destroy sweepstakes!
Rikronian: Hey I jsut realized something! "Grand Moff Tong" sounds kinda nasty
AX: Dammit Kro! That's enough out of you!
Grand Moff Tong: "Since you refuse to tell us where the Rebel Base is, we are going to destroy your home planet of Alderant"
Princess Anya: "No! Alderant is a swanky planet! Without it, much of the swank in the galaxy will be destroyed"
AX: Not one work Kro!
Grand Moff Tong: "Of course.. that is the point. Swank must be stomped out. Gotten rid of. There is no room for it in the Emporers New Order."
Tee Servo: Stomp out swank? Better rinse your shoe afterward. hehe
Princess Anya: "No! You can't!"
Grand Moff Tong: "Then name the system"
Princess Anya: "Alright alright alright already! All them hipsters are jiving on Dantooine already ok? They're on Dantooine"
Grand Moff Tong: "See Cyber, I told you she would relent."
[Grand Moff Tong turns to Chief Rob]
AX: Wow! A transmogrification!
Tee Servo: Hey, that Calvin and Hobbess Word a Day calender is really helping you isn't it?
Grand Moff Tong: "You may fire when ready."
Cyber Vader: "Err.. just a moment. Please don't destroy Alderrant"
Grand Moff Tong: "Why not?"
Cyber Vader: "Well.. I mean, you know what I look like under my suit right? And you know that when I take off my mask I'm not really a chick magnet anymore. So well.. I kinda go to Vinnie's House of Whores... and well..."
Rikronian: Yes, Vinnie's Hosue of Whores! They'll take your most debased requests, but they won't take American Express
Grand Moff Tong: "You too!!!! Oh man, I thought I was the only guy in the empire who was forced to do that..
Rikronian: So I guess he lets his grand moff tong get a
workout then eh?
AX: Kro! You are crossing the line!
well, in that case, we won't blow up Alderrant. I guess we could go blow up some other planet... how about Alderrants moon?"
Tee Servo: Uh, I hate to nitpick here...
Rikronian: No you don't
Tee Servo: but a moon isn't exactly a planet
Cyber Vader: "Sounds good to me!"
Princess Anya: "No! You can't! The moon has been in our history for thousands of years! The people won't like it if you do it... Vinnie won't like it!"
Rikronian: The MOON has only been in their history for
thousands of years?
TAX: Well yeah, it used to be in their calculus
Rikronian: Oh, OK
Cyber Vader: "Damn.. she's right you know... and angering Vinnie would be a bad thing..."
Grand Moff Tong: "Oh very well.. how about if we blow up that planet off over there?"
All: Oh! THAT must be Alderron
Tee Servo: YOu know, if you name all those local planets with similar names, you deserve to have one or two blown up
Princess Anya: "Oh, thats ok, it always blocked my view of the crab nebula, and I don't think Vinnie likes it to much either."
[The gun goes BOOM! And blows up the planet]
Rikronian: Hey Nelson., this bring back any memories?
AX: Hey! Shut up! Those planets weren't my fault!
Tee Servo *sniff*: Yeah? Well just... just.... just get away from me you world destroyer!
Grond Moff Tong: "There.. haha! This station is the ultimate power in the universe... next to the Force and Vinnies displeasure of course... hmm.. actually, maybe this station isn't so ultimate..."
Tee Servo: Hey if they really want the ultimate power of
terror, why don't they just take AnubisXy Nelson over here? He's
wiped ouyt more worlds than that thing ever could
[Ok... they stuff Anya in a prison cell and find out that she lied. The Rebel base isn't really on Dantooine. They get ticked off and are going to execute her. Thats where Anubis Xywalker, Obi-Wan Rikonian, Han Mosso, Chedopacca, G-3Ryphono, and Otter2-D2 come into play. They are just kinda bopping along when they hit this asteroid field (created by the planet that got blown up). Things go downhill from there and they wind up in the Death Star. Several Stormaxers are sent into ths ship. They wander around for a bit but don't see anything. Suddenly, the floor plates rise up and Tan Mosso, Rikonian, Anubis Xywalker and Chedopacca come out.]
Tan Mosso: "I should never have agreed this old fool."
Rikonian: "Who is the bigger fool? The fool or the fool who follows him?"
Chedopacca: ROAR!! (Translation): "The old deaf Jedi Knight who was a general but now dresses like a street begger and talks in weird riddles that make no sense."
Tan Mosso: "Yeah, say it again Chedo"
Tee Servo (As Chedo): ROAR!!
[Ok, outside, Captain Roningee is standing there. He orders his scanning crew onboard and then goes upstairs to look at the newest edition of Swank Magazine. Anyway, the heros beat the crud out of Stormaxers and put on their uniforms.
AX: Hey! How come whenever there's a battle with armored evil troops, the uniforms always fit the heroes?
Then they head upstairs and Roningee opens the door. Han Mosso blows him away
Tee Servo: DON'T say it Kro!
with a blaster shot to the chest (sorry Ronin! I know your part sucks, but someone has to do it). Otter2-D2 plugs into the computerbank and finds a way to shut off the tractor beam so the ship can take off.]
Rikonian: "Ok.. I'll go shut off the tractor beam. You guys stay here and don't get into trouble ok?"
Tee Servo: Hehe, that's like telling Wormie not to whine
Anubis: "But I wanna come with you!"
Rikronian: Eh! YOu are sick Wormie!
AX: HEY! That's not what he meant
Rikonian: "You dumbass!! You'll die, and while that wouldn't be such a bad thing in and of itself, the whole movie would end, and nobody wants that."
Tan Mosso (mumbles): "Huh.. think again you deaf old fart."
Rikonian: "What was that? I couldn't hear you."
Tan Mosso: "Good, you weren't supposed to."
Rikonian: "Anyway, see you all later. We all have different fates and mine is gonna be a rather horrible and nasty one."
[So, Rikonian goes to turn off the tractor beams. Suddenly Otter2-D2 starts hopping around and making little noises]
Rikronian: Oh, he must be having a--- Mmmph mmmph, gugle
AX: (holding Kro's beak onc eagain): I told you to stop that (releases)
Rikronian: Uh, I was GOING to say he must be having a short circuit or something!
Anubis: "Whats he saying?"
G-3ryphano: "He's saying he's found her, and keeps repeating she's here."
Anubis: "Who's here?"
G-3ryphano: "The Princess"
G-3ryphano: "Yes, that girl in the video"
All: Pamela Anderson Lee?!
Anubis: "You mean that chick?? Where is she??"
G-3ryphano: "In the detention center. She's going to be executed"
Anubis: "Well we gotta rescue her! Come on Tan Mosso!"
Tee Servo: No don't do that! He'll have to wash his vest
AX: Alright you two! Do I have to disconnect voice chips?
Tan Mosso: "Hey, I don't wanna do that... I might die."
Anubis: "She's beautiful... you might get laid."
AX: And I might get off of this space station
Tan Mosso: "Huh... you really think so?"
Anubis: "No, actually I don't... but you can always hope!"
Rikronian: Oh! So THAT'S why this is called "A New Hope!"
[Ok, so Anubis, Tan Mosso and Chedopacca all decide to go rescue Anya. They try the old "Pretend the wookie is a captive so we can get into the jail, but don't lock the manicles, so he can kick ass when he needs to" trick. They go into the jail. Leitenant Shann Gideonsen stands there. He looks at Chedopacca.]
Leitenant Shann Gideonsen: "Where are you taking this.. thing?"
Tan Mosso: "Prisoner transfer from.. umm.. sector.. er.. ahh.. ABC123"
Tee Servo: ABC123? That's like the combination an idiot would
have on his luggage!
AX (muttering): Oh great! Now I have to change my luggage combination
AX: Uh, nothing
Leitenant Shann Gideonsen: "I wasn't informed.. let me check it out."
AX: Sorry, but you forgot your libray card
[Suddenly, Mosso pulls out a blaster and kills Leitenant Shann Gideonsen (Sorry Gideon!).
AX: Wow, they sure are strict about library cards there!
They wind up trashing the place. Anyway, they make it to the Princess' cell. Unfortunatly, they wind up being attacked by like 30 Stormaxers. They finally have to leap into the garbage chute.]
Anubis, Tan Mosso, Chedopacca and Princess Anya in unison: "Yuck! Ew!! Icky!"
[Suddenly a huge tentacle pops out and grabs Anubis and pulls him under.]
All: DIANOGA! DIANOGA! DIANOGA!
Tan Mosso: "Yay! He's dead he's dead!!!"
Tee Servo: Nah, it could never be THAT easy!
[Tan Mosso starts singing the song, "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" from the Wizard of Oz. Princess Anya smacks him upside the head and tells him to shut up and find Anubis. Suddenly, Anubis pops up to the surface. He is wrapped in a tentacle from the BazookaMon]
Anubis: "Help help help! It's got me! SAAAAAVE me!!"
Tee Servo: Hey! Wormie is whining! We have to drink a shot now!
Tan Mosso: "Me, save you? Yeah right you pathetic worm."
[Princess Anya leaps into the water and begins wrestling with BazookaMon. Within seconds she has kicked its butt and sent it back to whatever sad, sorry, sick hole it oozed out of]
Anubis: "My hero!! You saved me!!"
[Anubis grabs Anya in a tight hug]
Princess Anya: "You wuss! get off of me! You're supposed to be the hero... god, I don't believe what I am doing for you..."
Anubis: "Oh err.. thanks anyway"
[Suddenly, the garbage smashes start. The walls start to close in on the helpless party.]
Rikronian: YOu've gotta fight! For your right! to partyyyy!
Princess Anya: "Eeep!"
Chedopacca: ROAR!!! (translation): "ARGH!!!"
Tan Mosso: "AHHHH!"
[Anyway, the walls continue closing in. Suddenly Anubis gets a bright idea and calls G-3ryphono up on his comlink]
Tee Servo: THAT counts as a bright idea?
Rikronian: It does for him
AX: HEY! Wormie, er I mean XyWalker, is cool!
Anubis: "G-3ryphano! Help us! We're gonna get smash-ed!"
G-3ryphano: "Your point?"
Anubis: "Shut down all the garbage smashers on the detention level!!"
G-3ryphano: "Why should I? All you ever say is, 'G-3ryphano, do this' and, 'G-3ryphano, do that,' and I am getting real sick of it. You'd better give me a good reason."
AX: Wow! This one is even more priggish than the one in the real movie
Anubis: "Because we're gonna DIE!!!"
G-3ryphano: "Not good enough"
Anubis: "Umm.. we'll hook you up with some swanky hot droid chick when we get out?"
G-3ryphano: "Huh.. you think I need any help getting swanky hot droid chicks? Think again.."
Anubis: "I'll give you a bunch of cash!"
G-3ryphano: "Ok.. now we're talking"
Tee Servo: Wait a minute! That's really Bender isn't it?
Rikronian: Bender is cool!
AX: Hey, does this mean that Fry and Leela are gonna show up too?
[He tells Otter2-D2 to shut down all the garbage smashers. Otter2-D2 makes some noises, but doesn't make any movements.]
Rikronian: Hehe that remind sme of (looks over at Nelson), uh never mind
G-3ryphano: "Hey, Otter2-D2 here says he wants a cut in on the cash as well... he also says he wants 2 swanky hot droid chicks"
Anubis: "Whatever!! Just turn them off already!!!"
G-3ryphano: "...actually, 2 swanky hot droid chicks sounds kinda good to me too..."
Tee Servo: Hey! WE have to READ this! When do WE get the droid chicks?
Anubis: "ARGH!! I'll give you 10!! Just turn them off!!"
[At this point, Otter2-D2 turns off the garbage smashers (just in the nick of time too!!).
Tee Servo: When is anything in a movie ever NOT done in the nick of time?!
Anyway, the two droids head down to wait by the spaceship. Meanwhile Rikonian is bravely wandering around the space station, using his abilities in the Force to keep the guards off his track. He manages to shut down one of the tractorbeams, and then begins heading back towards the ship. Suddenly, he stops and turns around. There stands Cyber Vader.]
Cyber Vader: "You should not have returned old man."
Rikonian: "Why not?"
Cyber Vader: "Because your a senile deaf old fool, thats why!!!"
Rikonian: "What was that? Speak up sonny, I couldn't hear you and I forgot my hearing aid."
Cyber Vader: "Argh! Nevermind! The circle is complete, now I am the master"
Rikonian: "Only a master of evil Cyber"
Cyber Vader: "That may be, but it's better than being a master of jack$hit"
Rikonian: "Ok... yeah, I'll give you that. However it's not as cool as being a master of swank like AnubisXy is! (Sorry about that.. couldn't help it! ^_^)"
Rikronian: Oh come on! The old jedi dude would never REALLY say that!
Cyber Vader: "Whatever old fool, now you will die you old man!"
Tee Servo: Well, he is OLD, he'd probably die soon anyway
[Cyber Vader walks toward Rikonian with his sword drawn. Meanwhile, Anubis, Chedopacca, Tan Mosso, and Princess Anya are running around the station blasting everything in site. It seems that the heros continuously roll natural 20s and the Stormaxers all roll 1s. None of the good guys get hit (poor Stormaxers get hit quite a bit though), and the heros manage to meet out by the ship. They turn and look, and see Cyber Vader and Rikonian locked in combat. The two go through several fancy combat manuevers. Then Rikonian looks over and notices Anubis.]
Rikonian: "DAMNIT! You're still alive??? How is that possible??"
[Cyber Vader takes advantage of Rikonians surprise and easily kills the poor deaf old guy]
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