The Cast
Princess Leia: Anya - Princess Anya
Darth Vader: Cybermessiah - Cyber Vader
C-3PO: Gryphon - G-3Ryphono
R2-D2: Ottergame - Otter2-D2
Luke Skywalker: AnubisXy - Anubis Xywalker
Obi-Wan Kenobi's Voice: Rikonain - Obi-Wan Rikonian's Voice
Han Solo: Tee-Moss - Tan Mosso
Chewbacca: Edopode - Chedopacca
Stormtroopers: Stormax (duh) - Stormaxers
Chief Bast (Moff Tarkins little henchman): Rob - Chief Rob
Grand Moff Tarkin: Michael Tong - Grand Moff Tong
That old guy (whose name I forgot) that knows Leiah and is a general or something: Dead Boy: General Dead Boy
Wedge Antillies: Johnny Canuck: Wedge Canucktillies
Biggs Darklighter: Grayson Hunter - Griggs Darkhunter

[Scene opens up in the Millenium Falcon. Tan Mosso, and Princess Anya are sitting there]

Tan Mosso: "There see? We got away... sometimes I amaze even myself"

Princess Anya: "Gee, that must not be to hard"

Tan Mosso: "Now... about my reward.."

Princess Anya: "Oh yeah... I'll give you some cash when we get there"

Tan Moso: "Hey.. umm.. I didn't want any cash, I wanted sex…"

[Suddenly G-3ryphano comes in. He's holding Anubis Xywalker and is pointing a blaster at his head!]

G-3ryphano: "Ok, I'm sick of this stupid adventure. We're going to Swankytown so Otter2 and I can get some swanky hot droid chicks. We're going now, or I'll blow his brains out!!"

Tan Mosso: "Hahaha.. go right on ahead. See if I care."

Princess Anya: "Yeah... kill that sorry SOB. It

Anubis: "Bob! Bob Rikonian! Help me!"

Rikonian's Voice: "Ha! Yeah right.. you're on your own now. I'm not helping your sorry lame ass."

Anubis: "Argh! this isn't supposed to happen! You damn robots aren't supposed to hold me hostage, and if they did, the rest of you should stop them! This isn't fair. Besides, G-3 and Otter2... I already promised you some swanky hot droid chicks. Just wait till we get to Yavin 4 ok?"

G-3ryphano: "Errr... umm.. ok, we're letting you go now... but we'd better get some swanky droid chicks, right Otter2?"

[Otter2-D2 makes some weird sounds]

G-3ryphano: "Kill him anyway??? But he promised to give us some chicks!"

[Otter2-D2 makes some more noises]

G-3ryphano: "He's lying?? How do you know?"

[Suddenly Anubis reaches back and flips a switch on G-3ryphanos back. The robot suddenly drops to the ground]

Anubis: "Because I can!! Hahaha! I am the king! I am the king of the world!!"

Tan Mosso: "What? Damn robot got turned off! I should have KNOWN better than to put him in charge! I'll take care of you!"

[Tan Mosso pulls out a blaster and starts shooting at Anubis. Tan Mosso rolls... a 12, +3.. 15. Anubis tries to dodge... 17+0. Ok, Anubis manages to throw himself out of the way. Oops! Otter2 is right behind Anubis. Otter tries to duck.. he rolls.. a 19... 19 - 18.. ok, a modified 1. He gets hit with the shot and kind of blows up (like usual)]

Tan Mosso: "Crap!! I missed!"

[Suddenly Chedopacca pulls out his bowcaster and fires at Anubis... he rolls.. natural 20! Ouch! Anubis rolls to parry... he rolls a natural 20 as well! Unfortunatly, Anubis suddenly realises that he is parrying with his arms. The arrow slams into Anubis' forearm and the poor guy gets his arm blown off. Anubis runs around the cockpit screaming and spraying blood everywhere.]


[Anubis trips and activates the hyperdrive button. The ship suddenly jumps out and reapears just outside of Yavin 4. Anubis stands up and runs into the backroom (still spraying blood). Tan manages to land the ship. He, Princess Anya, and Chedopacca get off. Of course, first they reactivate G-3ryphano and give him orders to kill Anubis if he shows up. Tan, Anya and Chedo all go into the main base and quickly forget about poor Anubis. Is this it for our hero? Is he to slowly bleed to death while being ignored? No… not quite. While some robots are examining the ship, they come across Anubis. They pick him up and take him and stuff him in a bacta tank. He gets all healed up in a matter of moments.]

Anubis: "Gee.. I wonder why everyone hates me so much."

Doctor: "Because you're a dweeb!! Now get the hell out of my office you loser! It's a damn good thing you have insurance or you'd be dead right about now."

Anubis: "Gee whiz ok… fine… bye."

[The doctor grabs Anubis and throws his sorry ass outside. Anubis dejectedly wanders around until he comes to a big meeting. The best pilots of the Rebellion are there. They are all looking at a screen with a picture of the Death Star. General Dead Boy is droning on and on and several of the pilots have fallen asleep.]

General Dead Boy: "And thus if you hit this small hole with your proton torpedos, it should cause a chain reaction that will blow up the Death Star. Any questions?"

Anubis: "Yeah uhh… where's the bathroom?"

General Dead Boy: "Down the hall and to your left."

Anubis: "Thanks!"

[Anubis walks down the hall. He comes to a fork in the pathway.]

Anubis: "Umm.. was it left or right…. Hmmm… umm.. I think it was right… I think.."

[Anubis wanders down the pathway to the right. He winds up in a huge docking bay. Dozens of rebel ships are here waiting for the signal to take off. Anubis wanders around somemore and bumps into some tech.]

Anubis: "Excuse me, where's the bathroom? It's really important!"

Tech: "Umm.. err.. I'm busy."

Anubis: "It's IMPORTANT!"

Tech: "Over there somewhere.."

[The tech vaugley motions off somewhere to the left. Anubis wanders around and comes to another tech."

Anubis: "Excuse me, but…"

Tech2: "AHH! No time! Hurry hurry hurry!!"

[The tech grabs Anubis and shoves him into an X-wing. They quickly stuff Otter2-D2 in there as well. The X-wing suddenly takes off under it's own violation]

Anubis: "Help! Where is this taking me?? Help!! I gotta go to the bathroom! Let me out!"

[Otter2-D2 makes a couple of rude sounding noises and continues to pilot the plane out of the hanger. Soon the entire rebel fleet (all 10 or so ships) are flying towards the Death Star. The whole time, Anubis is screaming and crying to be let out.]

Wedge Canuktillies: "Damnit Red 5! Shut the hell up! We don't wanna listen to your whiny bullshit!"

Griggs Darkhunter: "Damn right Wedge! You'd better shut the hell up Anubis before I come back there and smack your sorry ass!"

Anubis: "Nobody likes me! This sucks! I thought you were my friend Griggs.. and I still gotta go to the bathroom."

[Suddenly, Griggs' ship pulls up short, turns around and fires a couple blasts at Anubis.]

Griggs: "I said shut the hell up you whiny piece of crap!"

Anubis: "Ok ok ok ok!! Sorry.. geeze.."

[Griggs gets back into formation, and the rebel fighters continue towards the Death Star. The fighters fly in and shoot up the turrets.]

[Scene changes. We are now in the Death Star. Chief Rob approaches Cyber Vader]

Chief Rob: "Sir… the small ships are just to fast for the turbolasers."

Cyber Vader: "Order the TIE pilots to engage them in ship to ship combat."

Chief Rob: "Yes Sir."

[Some quick blah blah blah. Ok, the TIEs swoop out and start firing on the X-wings. Griggs, Wedge and Anubis make some great rolls and manage to blow most of them up. Then the three fly down into the trench to try to blow up the Death Star. Suddenly, from out of the blue, Cyber Vader and two cronies fly down! They start firing at the good guys.]

Cyber Vader: "Hahaha!"

[Vader fires at Wedge and manages to tag him. Wedge is forced to flee the battle.]

Cyber Vader: "Hahaha!"

[Cyber Vader then fires at Griggs. Griggs does some fancy flying, but unfortunatly, he is of no match for the Force. Cyber Vader blows Griggs into a thousand particles.]

Cyber Vader: "Hahaha!"

[Suddenly, Anubis hears a voice in his head.]

Rikonians's Voice: "Hahaha! Now you'll die you dweeb! Hahaha"

[Suddenly, a voice comes out of the radio! The Millenium Falcon has returned!

Tan Mosso: "Damnit Anubis! You're still alive?? After all the stuff that's happened to you? Well I'll fix that!"

[The Millenium Falcon fires a shot at Anubis… rolls.. a 1!! Ok, He misses as blasts the fighter next to Cyber Vader. The Tie tries to roll with impact… ARGH! Another 1! Ok, the tie explodes and knocks Cyber Vader off into deep space. The other Tie slams into the wall and explodes.]

Anubis: "Take pot shots at me huh? Well, we'll just see about that! I got a ship now you know!"

[Anubis turns the ship around and fires a pair of photon torpedoes at Han Mosso… Anubis rolls… a 1! Argh! Ok he hits the Death Star… the Death Star rolls 1d100 to see where it got hit… a 100!! What do you know!! The torpedoes go down the hatch. Anubis, Han and the others quickly flee just moments before the Death Star blows up in a firery explosion]

Anubis: "Wow! I'm a hero!! I saved the galaxy!"

Tan Mosso: "You're still a dumbass"

[Ok… new scene. We see Anubis, Han and Chedopacca standing around looking spiffy. Music fills the room, and a pair of doors open up. The three heroes walk down into a large cerimonial hall. Hundreds of Rebels stand there, look onward. Han, Chedo and Anubis continue onward and soon reach the podium. Suddenly, there is a shout.]

G-3ryphano: "Anubis Xywalker! Blaster, locked on target"

[G-3ryphano fires off a blast at Anubis!!! Rolls… a 1!!! Oh no!! What horrible thing is going to happen now? Rolls a 1d100 to see who gets hit… another 1??? Oh my God! He shoots… some guy in a cloak. Hmm. Who could that be? OH NO! Suddenly the figurepulls off the cloak and reveals that it's none other than George Lucas!!!]

George Lucas: "AHHHHHH!!! Now I'm PISSED!!!"

[George Lucas pulls out a twin-lightsaber and swings it around. He decapitates several people in the audience. Then he throws it (spear like) at Anubis.]

George: "Jack up my movie with you stupid shit will you? You'll pay! You'll pay dearly! Bwahahahahahaha!!"

[George rolls… a natural 20!!! Anubis tries to throw himself out of the way.. 1!!! ARGH! Ok, the thing slams into Anubis' arm and chops it off again. Blood sprays over the crowd and Anubis starts screaming.]


George: "Maybe you'll think twice next time before you infringe on my copyrights. Bwahahahahaha!"

[George suddenly vanishes, his mission complete. Anubis grabs his arm and tries to stick it back on. Nothing happens.]

Anubis: "Damnit! Being a necromancer would REALLY come in handy right about now"

[Anyway, Anubis winds up getting a new arm, Tan Mosso winds up getting some cash (to pay a certain villainous crime-lord back), Chedopacca winds up getting it on with several visiting wookies, G-3ryphano and Otter2-D2 manage to hook up with 12 swanky hot droid chicks. Princess Anya takes over the Rebellion and that's the end of this story.]


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