Sattelite of Fans presents....

A nice clean page!!! Nice huh?


by T Campbell with special thanks to "Blackjack"

Legal stuff: just like last time, if Warner Brothers or anyone connected with the legal side of Pokémon requests the removal of this page... it's gone.

[Tom- Once again this disclaimer is a little less neccesary since I'm just a lone fan with a little free web site. It's not like this is a BUFFY fansite or something.]

[EDITOR'S NOTE: This little run takes place shortly after the events in page 263, but before the events on page 265. How's THAT for tight continuity?]

[The club meting room darkens. A movie screen descends from the ceiling, and projectors in the back warm up.]

[TIM, WILL, and ALISIN sit in one of the front rows, and several unidentified Science Fiction Club members sit behind them. WILL looks sad but contemplative. ALISIN and TIM sit on either side of him, their usual cheerful selves.]

WILL: I'm surprised you came along, Alisin. I thought you didn't like The Matrix. You called it "angsty."
ALISIN: Yeah, but that was before Tim 'splained the fine art a' mockin' these bad movies. The way he tells it, you guys turn every single movie inta "Rocky Horror!"
TIM: I am so flattered. So how you feelin', Will? Gotcher sense o' humor back yet?
WILL: I'd better, hadn't I? What's there to say? It's over. Kath won't consider starting up again... and it takes two.
ALISIN: Awww, don't worry, big guy... I'll give y' a sympathy f#$%.

[She takes his hand, gently.]

[A handcuff SNAPS around his wrist.]

TIM: Or at least a brain-f#$%.
WILL: What... what IS this? [Struggles, finds he's shackled to his seat, grabs Alisin's spiked collar.] EXPLAIN.
ALISIN: Nothin' personal, big guy... I just always wanted to chain up somebody really strong and powerful an' watch 'em writhe in torment. 'Specially somebody who spits in his ex's eye, then gets all drippy an' sensitive when he blames 'er for leavin'... actually, I guess it IS kinda personal.
TIM: Don' worry, Willy. I'll stop 'er if she starts ta offend my delicate sensibilities.
WILL: There is NOTHING you can do to me. My nerves are burned right OUT.
ALISIN: Did we mention we ain't really watchin' The Matrix?

[Pikachu's face appears onscreen.]

WILL: [long silence]

SUBTITLE: Pikachu Project '99 Presents:]

["Pikachu's Rescue Mission" plays on the screen. Lots of psychedelic-looking characters repeat parts of their names over and over and over and over, and there's pretty much the same everybody-meets-fights-then-pulls-together-and- departs-friends-in-time-to-get-back-to-their-human-masters plot as "Pikachu's Vacation." Oh, and Meowth once again suffers for no good reason.]

ALISIN: Oh, wait, that WASN'T the acid.
TIM: Ya gotta wonder about poor ol' Meowth. I mean, somewhere, some kid is gonna see this movie an' that'll be his first exposure to th' world of Pokémon. I guess th' senseless, an' in this case totally undeserved, sufferin' of Meowth is a good way ta prepare these kids for real life. Wouldn't ya say so, Willy?

[Logos come up from Kids' WB, Nintendo, and 4 Kids Entertainment.]

TIM: Willy?
ALISIN: Y'think we've gone too far?
TIM: He's a feisty li'l guy. He'll get over it.

[Ext. shot: Three islands, seen from a fourth.]

[Yadoking, looking out at the islands on the ocean. Yadoking guards a stone tablet with writing. He wears some clothing, but no pants.]

TIM: "These 'Pokémon Blue' cheat codes are MINE, ya hear? MINE! MINE!"
ALISIN: Are we bein' flashed?

[ You then hear Jiralden/Jiralden (Japanese/American names) talking in the background. He seems to be translating the tablet's inscription.]

JIRALDEN: "Disturb not the Harmony of Fire, Ice, and Lightning... lest these Titans wreak Destruction upon the World in which They clash.

WILL: ...In... In other words, leave lightning alone and it'll leave YOU alone?
TIM: Willy! Yer...
ALISIN: Sh, don't jinx it.

JIRALDEN: "Though the Water's Great Guardian will arise to quell the Fighting, alone Its Song will fail, thus the Earth shall turn to Ash.

ALISIN: "Ash." That's an upper, right?
WILL: No, he's usually a severe downer.

JIRALDEN: "O Chosen One, into Thine Hands bring Together all Three; Their Treasures Combined tame the Beast of the Sea."

[Jiralden is inside a large chamber with what looks like planetary models.]

JIRALDEN (smiling): Now it begins.

WILL: Thanks for telling us.
TIM: "An' now it's a little after the beginnin'. And now it's time to do some exposition that involves a lotta repetition of Pokémon names."

[A computer speaks up behind him, using holographic visual aids to show three birds.]

TIM: "Help, I'm the spirit of Majel Barrett Roddenberry, and I can't get out..."

COMPUTER: Analysis indicates that the Titan of Fire referred to in the ancient inscription is the legendary Pokémon, Moltres, believed to have originated in a remote region of the Orange Islands. The Titan of Lightning is the Pokémon Zapdos, and Articuno is the Titan of Ice. Historical records confirm that the three legendary Pokémon are unique species found only in the vicinity of Shamouti Island.

WILL: Unique... SPECIES. There are ONE of each of these Pokémon types... and they're SPECIES. What's wrong with this classification system?
ALISIN: Ain't we all a species of one?
WILL: Actually, you and Tim are like two halves of the same being.

[Jiralden sits in front of some computer graphics, representing the three birds' islands and the Big Shamouti Island in a map grid.]

ALISIN: An' yet, none a' the islands are orange. What's up with that?

JIRALDEN: Moltres, Zapdos, and Articuno. Any one of them would be a priceless addition to my collection. But together... they are the three keys that unlock the ultimate treasure.

TIM: "We three keys of Orient are..."

COMPUTER: Pokémon matching subject parameters: Moltres, Articuno, Zapdos detected.

ALISIN: These Pokémon got nothin' better to do than sit around an' match parameters? They oughta try weed.

JIRALDEN: Then let's get started.

[Jiralden rises in his chair, up through a Renaissance ceiling of angels and into an elevator shaft.]

TIM: "God complex? Nah, I think my bein' God is pretty simple."

JIRALDEN: Which one is nearest?
COMPUTER: The fire Pokémon, Moltres.

WILL: "Since we went to the trouble of always mentioning that one first."

[Then you see his huge, floating ship coming to a nearby, smaller island, shooting at it with ice blasts, freezing large sections of it. Moltres comes out of one of the frozen sections, breathing fire at Lawrence's ship.]

ALISIN: Yeah, that's my breath when somebody wakes me up in the mornin' too.

[Lawrence seems unconcerned as he manipulates a holographic chessboard of sorts.]

JIRALDEN: Now the chase... is on.

WILL: Okay. "Chase?" Moltres is trying a frontal assault. This must be a definition of "chase" with which I am unfamiliar.

[The floating ship shoots Moltres with a number of ice blasts. It dodges some, but others weaken it. Then the ship sends out metal bands that soon form an electrical sphere around Moltres, a sphere that soon brings it to the ship.]

TIM: A bird in the bands is worth two in the rush.

JIRALDEN: Well, I've taken the first piece without much difficulty. It's like a simple game of chess.

WILL: A *simple* game of chess? Okay, how much you want to bet the translator has never played a SINGLE game of chess?

[As he speaks, the chessboard changes.]

ALISIN: No bet, but I bet they read a lotta "Alice through the Looking-Glass."

JIRALDEN: Next, I'll capture Zapdos, and Articuno soon after, and that will flush out the king. And then... that's when the game is going to get interesting. "Bring together all Three; their Treasures combined tame the Beast of the Sea..." Lugia.

WILL: At the risk of being redundant... flushing out the king is when the chess game STOPS getting interesting! Chess isn't some glorified fox hunt, it's about strategy and brinkmanship and... and... (sniff) I miss Kathy...

[Camera pans out of the ship, to the ocean, then underwater... where something floats. Something living, large, and powerful, like a Loch Ness monster.]

WILL: You insensitive...
TIM: Can ya FEEL it, Willy? The flippers PULSIN' as we go DEEPER?

[Cut to title: POKEMON: THE POWER OF ONE.]

ALISIN: One what?
WILL: The title's very anti-Japanese in spirit. Theirs is a very conformist culture in general. Rumy'd probably have some interesting things to say about that.
TIM: Well, that's why we didn't invite Rumy ALONG. I mean, duh.

[SUBTITLE: Pikachu Project '99 Presents:]

TIM: Oops, must be on a feedback loop. We're gonna hafta see "Pikachu's Rescue Mission" again.

[Pan in on a boat with the sails down. Pikachu mans the bow, while Tracey Sketchit draws in the front and Ash and Misty relax in the back.]

TIM: Heh-heh... see, Tracey is an ARTIST, cause, y'know, "Tracey" an' "Sketchit."
WILL (sighing): Yes, it's very literary.
ALISIN: Wait... whoa! Y'r right!

IRRITATING NARRATOR: Another perfect day in Paradise. The weather, warm. The breezes, balmy! The water, calm, and crystal clear.

WILL: The alliteration, annoying.

Even Pokémon trainers deserve a break on a day like today. And as our heroes sail through the Orange Islands, Ash Ketchum is dreaming of his next big adventure. Little does he know it will be his greatest.

ALISIN: He gets laid?

ASH (stretching his arms): Ah... nice day!
MISTY: It's beautiful! Right, Togepi?
TRACEY: Hey, Ash, think we have time to give the other Pokémon a little fresh air?

TIM: "Nah, I'm sure they'll be fine on the single breath of oxygen stored in each o' their Pokeballsies."

[Turns out there's a brand new green-haired human character steering the boat. Her name is Marin, not like it's mentioned anywhere in this scene.]

ALISIN: Oooo... green haiiir...
TIM: I call dibs!
WILL: She is kinda cute. As geometric shapes go.

MARIN: Sure, Tracey! It'll take us about an hour to get to the next island. There's plenty of time!
ASH: Well, what are we waitin' for?

TIM: The theme song!

[Ash and co. let out their Pokémon, most of which enjoy swimming alongside the boat. The song "Pokémon World" plays as the opening credits roll. For extra viewer comments, click here!]

WILL: I think this counts as "disturbing the harmony."

*So you wanna be a master?!?!?!? *
*Do you have the skillz to be, NUM-BER ONE?!?!?*

TIM: Yeah, f33r my madd sk1llz.

I wanna take the ultimate step, find the courage to be bold...
To risk it all, and not forget, the lessons that I hold...

WILL: "Like... um... like all the LESSONS I've learned that make me so much MORE MATURE than I was when this series began. And junk."

I wanna go, where no-one's been, far beyond the crowd (Po-ké-mon!),
Learn the way, to take command, use tha power that's in my hand!

WILL: ...And in my pocket petting zoo.

We all live (yeeaah!), in a Pokémon world (po-ké-mon!),
I wanna be (yeeaaah!) the greatest master of them all (tha greatest
We all live (yeaaah!) in a Pokémon world (Po-ké-mon!),
I put myself, to tha test, to be better than all tha rest! (Uhn!)

TIM: An' one day, he'll hafta school his own buddies ta get t'the championship. This series is so tragic an' deep.

*So you wanna be a master?!?!? *
*Do you have the skillz to be, NUM-BER ONE?!?!?*

ALISIN: Eh, I'm more the slave type. Soft, gentle...
WILL: Ahem. [Jiggles his handcuffed wrist.]
ALISIN: I'm just really really good at hidin' it.

We all live (Yeaaaah!) , in a Pokémon world (Po-ké-mon!),
I wanna be (YEAAAAH!), the greatest master of them allll!

PO - KE - MON!

WILL: To master mastery.
TIM: AN' have the courage to be bold.
ALISIN: It's kinda Bizarro Nirvana. Their songs are all, "I suck because I suck." This is just as logic-f#$$%ed, but used f'r "good," not "evil."

[Team Rocket-- Jessie, James, and Meowth-- follow the boat in a pedal-powered submarine that looks like a giant "Magikarp" fish.]

WILL: ...I don't know why I BOTHER to point these things out, but... they can afford a SUBMARINE, but not a MOTOR?

[Suddenly a storm blows up. Ash and co. start returning their Pokémon as the ship gets tossed about. Down below, Team Rocket's submarine gets sucked out of control to the surface by storm currents and, just for good measure, a school of real Magikarp.]

WILL: And do they REALLY think a 500-pound sub is LESS conspicuous because it looks like a giant fish? With a periscope?

[Pikachu keeps a lookout. He seems to feel something's wrong.]

ALISIN: "My undies are bunchin' up."
TIM: Dang, you're GOOD at this!
WILL: ...

[Underwater, that mysterious underwater thing swims some more.]

TIM (French accent): Zymbolizing... zexuelle reprrression.
WILL: ...

MARIN: We're way off course.

[Ash, Tracey, and Misty make "Huh?" sounds.]

WILL: "We had a COURSE?"

MARIN: That's Shamouti. We're right in the middle of the Orange Islands.

TIM: Rhymes with "ya booty."
ALISIN: Well, that can't be an accident.

[The boat, the Magikarp, and the Team Rocket sub all head straight for Shamouti.]

[Team Rocket struggles in the sub, and gradually right themselves. Well, turn themselves rightside-up, anyway.]

WILL: With their oar-powered rudder, no doubt.

JESSIE: An island.
JAMES: In a storm.
MEOWTH: I seen this movie!

TIM: So have we! It's POKEMON: THE FIRST MOVIE all over again!

[The sub starts heading toward a reef.]

JESSIE: Do we have... carp insurance?

ALISIN: "All our stuff is heavily insured! Why do y' think th' boss sends US out onto it?"

JESSIE: We're about to be...
MEOWTH: Filet-o-fish?

WILL: Well, it's not like you can't start pedaling backwards, now that you've righted yourselves, and at least minimize the damage...

[Sub smashes into reef.]

WILL: Oh. I guess it IS like that.

[New scene: opens with snapshot of Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, Togepi, Professor Oak, and Ash's Mom.]

TIM: Ah... good ol' Ash's Mom-Type-Person.

We pan through Ash's Mom's house to outside, where Ash's Mom, Mrs. Ketchum, is gardening and a Pokémon, Mr. Mime, is sweeping. Professor Oak comes up, riding on a bike.]

OAK: Good morning, Dyria! Well, you certainly do have a green thumb!

ALISIN: "Yeah, goes nicely with my freakishly normal hair color, don'cha think?"
TIM: Ooh! Was that "Dyria" or "Tyria?" We've never heard Ash's Mom's name before!
WILL: NEVER? We're supposed to memorize 251 Pokemon names, but we don't know the name of the lead character's MOM?

MRS. KETCHUM: Well, thanks, Professor! But the truth is, I've been getting a lot of help with my gardening lately! The weather's been just beautiful!
OAK: Well, this is the time of year when the sun shines every day! Heh, heh...

ALISIN: Don't the sun shine every day THROUGHOUT th' year? I'm kinda a night owl, but I think that's right...

[As if on cue, a cold wind blows up, followed by a black cloud and a hard rain. Mr. Mime puts an umbrella over Mrs. Ketchum's head. Then the rain suddenly stops.]

OAK: Say... that was awfully strange.
MRS. KETCHUM: And it passed by so quickly.

WILL: "Almost as if it were some kind of foreshadowing."

[It starts snowing.]

MRS. KETCHUM (excited): Oh, my! It looks like snow!

ALISIN: Nah, snow is dry an' powdery. Oh, wait, you mean the OTHER snow.

MRS. KETCHUM (confused, after a beat): It... is snow... but this is summer. How can it... snow?

TIM: All right, Willy, before ya say it, that line ain't as stupid as it looks. Rose petals fall a lot in Japan, an' they really do look like snow sometimes.
WILL: Hey, I've got an anime education.

OAK: I... I don't know.

[They look up and see a huge flock of Pidgey flying away. Then the snow stops, and the clouds go away.]

WILL: Please note that the clouds came in and are now leaving from BOTH DIRECTIONS. That IS a strange wind pattern.

[A swarm of Diglet come and pick up Oak while on his bike. He jumps off.]

ALISIN: Moral a' the story: bikes are fun to break.

[Mr. Mime starts trying to tell Mrs. Ketchum something by saying "Mime! Mime! Mime!"]

WILL: And I thought nothing could be more annoying than ACTUAL mimes...

MRS. KETCHUM: What is it, Mimey?...

ALISIN: "Is Li'l Timmy trapped in the well?"
TIM: "Has Timmy trapped Willy in the well of despair?"
WILL: I will live to make you regret this.

MRS. KETCHUM: Mr. Mime is very upset.
OAK: Yes, and so are the other Pokémon. Pokémon are more in tune with nature than we are. When something goes wrong, they can sense it. And I'm afraid that something somewhere is going terribly wrong.

WILL: I'm glad we have a professor to explain to us that clear skies, sudden rain, snow in summer, and then clear skies again in three minutes is a sign of something wrong. We might have missed that, otherwise.

[Back to Ash and company, getting off their boat on the Shamouti shore.]

ASH: We sure are lucky.

ALISIN: "I want to be the very luckiest."

MISTY: If we hadn't found this place, we'd be in real trouble.
TRACEY (looking off-screen): Uh... uh... I think we still might be.

TIM: "See, I made a Mickey Mouse drawing in seventh grade, an' Disney's lawyers have copyrighted my right hand."

[A bunch of people dressed up in primitive masks and tribal clothes come to greet them.]


WILL: "I don't know. Who's Marin?"
ALISIN: I think it's some kinda tribal greeting, like "Yo."

[Leader unmasks and we can see she's a girl, probably pretty, not like we can really tell, given that all Pokémon females except Jessie have pretty much the same face.]

LEADER ("CAROL"): It's been a while.
SHIP'S CAPTAIN("MARIN"): Carol, I can't believe it! It's great to see you!

ALISIN: "An' I don't just mean that in a platonic way!"

CAROL: What are you doing back on Shamouti Island?
MARIN: We got caught up on that storm and floated in. And it looks like we got here at the perfect time.


CAROL: You're right. The annual Legend Festival starts today!
MARIN: This is my favorite island holiday!
MARIN [makes fluting gestures]: Are you going to be the star of the show again?

ALISIN: Hmm. Mmmm. I can only think a' one kinda "show" that involves a lot a' flutin' gestures... an' it's usually a one-on-one thing... but maybe I'm not thinkin' very hard.

CAROL: No, I'm too old to be the Festival Maiden anymore. So this year, my little sister's going to take over for me. Here she c--

ALISIN: "Then we're gonna toss me int' an active volcano an' pour eggnog down after me!"

LITTLE SISTER (off-screen): I'm right here!

[Camera shows a very modern-looking young teenager. She is the new Festival Maiden, but doesn't look the part.]

SISTER: The only one not wearin' a stupid costume! You'd think after a few centuries, you'd have outgrown this dorky ritual.

TIM: Hey now, Pikachu is also not wearin' a stupid costume.
WILL: Pretty well nailed Ash, though.

CAROL: It's our tradition! You should be honored to take part.
SISTER: Don't worry, I'll play my role in the big "Legend..." I've only seen you do it like a zillion times.
CAROL: Just be there! (to Marin) Well, unfortunately, that's my sister. Her name is Melody, but don't get fooled. She's not always this adorable.

WILL: "So to recap, I'm Carol and this is Melody. Unfortunately, we couldn't bring our cousins, Symphony, Viola, and Song-ia."

[Melody rolls her head from side to side with exaggerated impatience, cracking the bones in her shoulders.]

ALISIN: My kinda girl.

CAROL: Who's this?
MARIN: Oh, sorry! This is Ash Ketchum. He's a Pokémon trainer.

WILL: "The others aren't really important."

ISLANDERS (chorus): A Pokémon trainer?

[Melody doesn't join in the chorus, but she does turn her head, intrigued.]

TIM: Second moral: Kids who collect Pokémon cards get chicks.

[Lots of cheering follows, as if Marin had just presented proof of the Second Coming. One man in a mask comes forward.]

MAN: The Ancient Legend foretells Your arrival!... and only with You can the Guardian of the Waters vanquish the great Titans of Fire, Ice, and Lightning!

WILL: You are the multipurpose ABC fire extinguisher of Messiahs!

[MAN unmasks.]

MAN: In Your Hands, O Chosen One... In Your Hands rests the World and Its Fate!

TIM: Global warming is ALL YOUR FAULT!

ASH: It does?
MAN (relaxing): Heh, don't let it worry you, kid. It's just for the tourists!

WILL: Um... there are four tourists there, and they're all in some way related to the kid.

MAN (lowering his mask, briefly): Rest in peace.

ALISIN: I hate that expression.

MELODY (approaching Ash): So you're a Pokémon trainer, huh? Hm... I guess he'll do. Here's a traditional welcome kiss.

[Melody kisses Ash on the cheek. Ash stammers, Togepi cheers, and Misty flushes.]

[Melody notices that the kiss bothered Misty, and turns to her.]

KITSUNE76 (from the back): "Don't worry, snookums, you're still my favourite bundle o'lurve."

MELODY: Are you his little sister?
MISTY: I am not!
MELODY: Then, I guess you must be... his girlfriend.

TIM: We knew that Loch Ness Sex Monster meant somethin'. Shoujo alert!

MISTY: Egh! Gross!
MELODY: *I* don't think so. I'll be happy to play for him at the legend banquet. Starts around eight. Oh, and Misty... try not to get jealous.

ALISIN: "How'd y'know my name?"
WILL: "I'm not even one of the 251 Pokemon!"

[Misty scowls. Ash laughs nervously.]

MAN: We have found our Chosen One!

WILL: Chosen by whom?
TIM: It's a mistranslation. See, the scroll actually means "Choosin' One," as in "I choose..."
WILL: Gotcha.

[Musical instruments play as the procession moves from the dock. Misty and Pikachu both look troubled, but Pikachu looks at the sky. A few quick "festival" shots showing a mishmash of Inuit traditions. Next real scene: Ash, Misty, and Tracey eating at one table, the old man, Marin, and Carol at another.]

MARIN: And she says, "No, but I have Krabbys!"

ALISIN: Crabbies? Eyuh! What a potty-mouth!

[General laughter at Marin's table as we pan to the other one.]

MISTY (to nobody): That's ridiculous. Me, Ash's girlfriend! (wolfs down food) It's totally ridiculous!

WILL: "Ranma 1/2 For Preschoolers."

ASH: I can't wait to see what my part in the legend ceremony's gonna be!

WILL: "Maybe I'll have to do something REALLY hard, like having a conversation where I'm not the center of attention!"

[Melody emerges onto a nearby stage. She's in a ceremonial dress, playing a conch that's fluted like an ocarina.]

TIM: Oooo, playin' with th' conch!

TRACEY: Ash, that's her. The girl we met on the beach.
MISTY: Melody.
ASH: Melody?

WILL: MELODY! ME-LO-DY! Hey, Ash, what's your Mom's name?

[Melody dances and plays the flute, clearly pleasing her friends and family. Ash and Tracey are pleased too, but...]

MISTY: Hmph. She's a big showoff.

ALISIN: "Flouncin' around in that shameless li'l Gothic weddin' dress..."
[Melody finishes playing.]

TIM: Do ya know "Tiny Bubbles?"

MELODY: Hear ye all! From the Trio of Islands, Ancient Spheres shall You take; for between Life and Death, all the Difference You'll make.

TIM: Wait, "hear ye all?" So everybody here has t' take th' spheres?

MELODY: O Chosen One, You must climb to the Shrine to right what is wrong... and the World will be healed by the Guardian's Song!

WILL: Only if the Guardian's Song begins the closing credits soundtrack.

[As she talks, she lays a hand on Ash's arm, and Misty gives a little cry of alarm.]

ASH: What do I do?

ALISIN: "Heh. First y' lay y'r hand on MY arm, an' then we grind."

MELODY: I just told you, Ash.
ASH: Yeah, I heard all that stuff, but... what do I have to DO?

WILL: Get devoured by fire ants, slowly, while on life-support so it lasts as long as possible.

MELODY: Oh, it won't be very hard, Ash... not for you. And besides, almost all the Chosen Ones come back alive!

WILL: You mean... no, no, I *won't* let myself hope.

CAROL: Melody!
MELODY: All you have to do is get these glass balls from the three islands. One from Fire Island, one from Ice Island, and one from Lightning Island. And you bring 'em to the shrine back here. And then... I celebrate by playing this song.

TIM: Hm. He never really DID that, did he? Just saved the Planet Earth with 'em. Slacker.

[She flutes a little more.]

ALISIN: How t'pick up guys: Show 'em y'r good with y'r lips.

MELODY: And then it's over!... O Chosen One.
ASH: Do I get to wear a cool costume?

WILL: "Maybe a hair shirt and spiked collar?"
ALISIN: Hey, that IS cool. Hair shirts. Mmm.

MELODY: Sorry, but it's just come-as-you-are. Besides, you look perfect to me! The handsomest Chosen One in years.

TIM: Yeah, most Pokémon trainers over 13 are pretty pimply an' ugly. Poor slobs.

ASH: Okay. Get me a boat and I'm ready!
MELODY: Oh, there's no hurry. You have all day tomorrow. Tonight's just for the party. Stay... have some fun.

ALISIN: Doin' what? Sittin' around some more an' listenin' t' talk about crabbies? I mean, no offense, but you guys ain't exactly throwin' Woodstock 2000 here...

ASH: Well, some things are more important than fun! I'm Ash, the Chosen One! This is serious. I gotta be responsible.

TIM: An' with great responsibility... comes great power. Or somethin'.

MISTY (frostily): That's a switch.
MARIN: You know what? I like your attitude. We can take my boat, Ash.
ASH: Then let's go! You comin', Misty?
MISTY: No thanks. If you want somebody to do whatever you want, whenever you want, you should find yourself a girlfriend.

WILL: Yeah... if you're THAT chauvinistic, you DESERVE that punishment...
TIM: I think she's sendin' a "signal" here, Ash...

[Pikachu takes Ash's hat and runs off with it. Ash chases after him.]

ASH: Pikachu! Pikachu? Gimme back my hat!

WILL: I need it to turn around backwards at dramatic moments!

[Next scene shows Team Rocket, in their now mostly destroyed sub, pedaling along.]

JESSIE: Our ship is ruined.

WILL: "In case you somehow missed that."

JAMES: I'm sick over it.
MEOWTH: I'm seasick over it!

TIM: "Ha! I'm fatally infected over it! I win!"
ALISIN [looks uncomfortable]

[Marin's ship, carrying Ash and Pikachu, comes by Team Rocket and their sub turns over.]

JAMES: Wasn't that...
JESSIE: The twerp?

WILL: Which one?

MEOWTH: And Pikachu, too!

[It starts raining, again. And Team Rocket's boat turns over AGAIN.]

TIM: Sorta the Wile E. Coyotes of anime.
WILL: Only their 30-second sketches run for 22 minutes.

[Slowking looks out from a cave.]

SLOWKING: "Disturb not the Harmony of Fire, Ice, and Lightning..." ::sighs:: What a mess.

WILL: "I just *cleaned* that ocean."

[Ash's ship sails through the tough waves.]

ASH: I hope the Legend Ceremony doesn't include a funeral!

TIM: "Nah, just a cremation, which is why we like our Chosen Ones to be named 'Ash.'"

[Next scene shows Melody looking out.]

MELODY: This storm's bad. What if those two can't make it to the island? Carol, I have to take your boat.

ALISIN: "I'm a klepto."

CAROL: But Melody, what can you do?

ALISIN: "Y'r just a girl!"

MELODY: They're caught out in this storm because of our stupid ritual. And I'm the one who picked Ash for it.

WILL: "So the only decent thing I can do is drown with him."

MELODY: I just hope they're all right.

[Team Rocket climbs out onto the Shamouti docks. They watch as Melody, Misty, and Tracey run to the boat.]

TIM: Hey, is "Team Rocket" singular or plural?
WILL: Either one. Three zeros equal one zero.

MELODY: What are you coming for?
MISTY: To find Ash. And before you say it's because I secretly like him, don't. Cause I don't.

WILL: "It's just... he's always where the ACTION is in these movies, okay? If I'm gonna get even a HALFWAY decent scene in the third act..."

MELODY: Hey, chill out! You sure are sensitive about somebody who's not your boyfriend.
MISTY: He's not my boyfriend! He's a boy, and he's a friend, but he's not my boyfriend!

ALISIN: He's just *a* boyfriend! Specifically, Pikachu's!

TRACEY: You talkin' about me?

ALISIN: Hey, that line didn't suck!
WILL: Hollywood Rule: If you're in a role where you get half-a-dozen lines or less, make sure at least one of them is a good one.

[The three of them ride Melody's much more modern-looking speedboat through the surf.]

[In the back, Team Rocket peeps out from under a tarpaulin.]

JESSIE: What we won't do....
JAMES: ...for Pikachu.

TIM: Naw, "hoo HOO." These guys got one thing they do well, an' Meowth keeps messin' THAT up.

[Jiralden's floating ship.]

TIM: Man, Deep Space Nine has really let itself go.

JIRALDEN: "Disturb not the Harmony of Fire, Ice, and Lightning..." It seems there's been a shift in the balance of power.

ALISIN: "Power must have had a bit too much to drink."

[Some of Jiralden's chessboard turns yellow.]

COMPUTER: Pokémon Zapdos detected.

WILL: "We detected it before, but kind of lost it while you were playing solitaire chess."

[The Shamoutians watch TV.]

TV: Experts now believe that the weather disasters occurring in all parts of the globe are due to a powerful and previously unknown phenomenon from deep beneath the surface of the ocean.

TIM: "But weather forecasters believe it's caused by not watching enough TV."

[TV shows a CGI of an underground river. This TV looks like some near-future model of Internet TV.]

TV: This is a simulation of the underwater river that has snaked its way around the planet, disrupting ocean currents, weather patterns, and the entire global climate.

WILL: "Turns out it's Exxon's new pipeline."

[Oak works in his lab with Mrs. Ketchum.]

ALISIN: Sly devil, ain't he?

OAK: I wonder if this is what's been upsetting all the Pokémon.

TIM: "They marched on Washington an' tried ta chant environmental slogans. It was pretty pathetic."

[A window shatters, letting in snow.]

TV: The source of the disturbance appears to be centered at the north central region of the Orange Islands.
OAK: The Orange Islands?

WILL: "The ones with all the Agent Orange?"

MRS. KETCHUM: But that's where Ash and his friends are right now.

[A phone icon wiggles near the screen.]

OAK: Ooh. Someone's calling.

TIM: "I'd tell ya who, but this incredibly sophisticated videophone don't have caller ID."

[Oak does something and the screen switches to Professor Ivy, who regards him with a sedate look. Behind her, Brock struggles with some unruly Pokémon.]

TIM: Woo-hoo! Da Brock-man! My favorite closeted gay Pokémon character!
ALISIN: Brock? Bi maybe, but gay? Nah, he just needs a li'l... coaxin'.

IVY [very sedately]: Professor, we're having problems.

ALISIN: 'Ludes. Definitely on Quaaludes.

OAK: What is it, Professor Ivy?
IVY: The Pokémon here are behaving very strangely.

WILL: They're repeating EACH OTHER'S names and licking their personal regions.

[Ash and Marin on the boat, still tempest-tossed.]

ASH: It looks like the storm's over.
MARIN: But the sea keeps getting rougher.

WILL: Wasn't there a sea storm in the first movie too?
TIM: Motif!

[The ship gets tossed around and despite Marin's best efforts, the rudder is hit off.]

MARIN: The rudder is no longer working.

TIM: Slacker.

[Their ship crashes into a rocky shore, and they climb off.]

MARIN: Well, at least we made it, but...

[Pikachu runs off. Ash gives chase.]

WILL: It's a good thing Pikachu's so "in tune with nature." I don't think even Lassie could detect Timmy in the well if he was MILES OVERSEAS.

ASH: Pikachu! Where you goin'?
MARIN: Ash, we shouldn't split up, the storm might pick up again!

ALISIN: "We gotta stay with the boat an' get washed back out!"

ASH: Pikachu's been actin' really weird! I got to find out why!

MY NAME IS KENNY (from the back): Lately, he's even been acting like he doesn't like being forced to live in eternal combat by a sadistic, glory-obsessed ten-year-old! What is up??
KITSUNE76 (from the back): It's called "Characterisation," hon. I know it's not something you're used to.
BLACKJACK (from the back): He was looking at a Ash/Pikachu lemon site and doesn't trust you anymore...

[He leaves Marin with the boat.]

[Melody, Misty, and Tracey in their ship, getting tossed around too.]

MELODY: Okay, hold on, guys.

[Melody's speedboat "shoots the curl," riding the side of a giant wave.]

WILL: This part needs a Beach Boys soundtrack.

MISTY: Cool move.
MELODY: I've been around boats all my life. You don't have to be scared.

ALISIN: "Just 'cause your lives are in my hands now and I've been vampin' your boyfriend, that don't mean y'gotta be nervous!"

MISTY: Oh, I never get scared out in the ocean. I come from a water Pokémon gym.

WILL: After all, swimming pools are just like the ocean, only chlorinated.

[In a move that defies at least two laws of physics, a wave tosses Melody's boat into the air, where it somersaults, throwing Team Rocket out of the back and into the island. No, really.]

TIM: Ya know, if I were Team Rocket, I'd be takin' the subtle hints that th'whole universe keeps droppin'.

[Melody's ship smashes ashore, but much more gracefully than Marin's did.]

MELODY: Hey, are you okay?
MARIN: Yeah. But I think the boat's in pretty bad shape.

WILL: "Which removes my only real contribution to the plot, so no, I'm not doing too good."

MISTY: Where's Ash?
MARIN: Up there!

ALISIN: At the Pearly Gates, gettin' judged an' soon t'be sent down into a pit of eternal torment!

[Melody's boat has landed on a ledge and it is slipping off.]

TRACEY: We're slipping!

[Melody opens the sails and the boat catches the wind and starts flying.]

TRACEY: It... flies?

WILL: Guh... geh... GYA HA HA HA HA HA! WHY NOT???!!! HA HA HA!

[They land on the stairs to the temple.]

MELODY: If you know how.


MISTY: Awesome!
TRACEY: Hang on!

[The wind drags the boat up the stairs.]

WILL: Rudders? (hee hee) We don't need no steenking rudders... and the bottom of a boat is vastly overrated.

MISTY: Let's find Ash.
MELODY: Yeah, and if he needs any help... his girl friend's here.
MISTY: But I'm not...
MELODY: Well, like you said, you are a girl and you are his friend... isn't that right?

TIM: So that's why Melody's kinda cool to this whole island gig. She's studyin' ta be a lawyer.
ALISIN: Does that mean Misty's also a "cowgirl?"

[Misty smiles peevishly, but nods her head. The next scene shows Jiralden up in his flying ship. Moltres is trapped in an electric cage.]

JIRALDEN: Poor Moltres. You seem so miserable. But they say misery loves company.

WILL: That sure explains the guys in the back, then.

[Computer shows graphic of Zapdos.]

COMPUTER: Zapdos detected.

WILL: "For the third time running."
ALISIN: "Sky detected."

[Ash runs up stairs while chasing Pikachu.]

ASH: Pikachu!

[Team Rocket crawls out from under a rock and sees Ash.]
JESSIE: Hey look.
JAMES: There they are.
MEOWTH: I can't believe our luck.

TIM: I can't either. I mean, what are the odds that even two LOSERS would fail ta nail their target over 200 TIMES? That ain't just bad luck, that's gypsy-curse level.

JAMES: Yeah.
MEOWTH: Pikachu.
JESSIE: We'll get you.

TIM: Hey. I just realized... "Pikachu..." "Peek-a-boo." When they named that li'l guy, somebody must've had skimpy outfits on their mind.

[Pikachu leads Ash to an altar and points to a stone.]

ASH: The ancient sphere.

[Ash pulls out the stone, with difficulty. It is glowing and has fire inside.]

WILL: AHHHH! IT BURNS! And then he bursts into flame.

[He and Pikachu are heading back when...]

MEOWTH (off-screen): Guess who, Pikachu?
ASH: Huh? Was that...

ALISIN: The Undertaker!
TIM: Disney hit men!

[Meowth, Jessie, and James are artfully posed at the top of the stairs.]

JESSIE: Prepare for more trouble than you've ever seen.
JAMES: Better make it double, cause we're on the big screen!

WILL: You mean they're aware they're in this cartoon... and they still DO it?
TIM: Masochists.

ASH: I'll have to catch this on video.

[Team Rocket nearly collapses. Ash threw off their groove.]

WILL: "A halfway decent line? You can't DO that!"

ASH: I'm in a hurry here! And this weather's been bad.
JESSIE: It has been bad. Isn't that always our luck? But our luck's changed, and our ship has finally come in.

[Melody's boat comes behind them. They barely have time to notice and run before it crashes into the temple.]

TIM: "Uh... as I was sayin', our luck's changed, an' thirty million dollars is about to drop from th' sky."

MELODY: Well, I hope you're happy, Mr. Hero. If you'd just listened to me in the first place and stayed at the party like I told you to, we wouldn't be stranded here on this island.

ALISIN: Flirt like crazy one hour, then henpeck 'im the next. Girl's a player.

MISTY: Welcome to my world. I have to deal with his stubborn attitude every single day.
MELODY: Oh, you'll get used to it. It's just something you'll need to work on when the two of you get married.

ALISIN: "But... we been travelin' together since the series began! We practically already ARE married!"

MISTY: Take that back!
JESSIE: Listen to me, kid. When you get involved with the opposite sex, you're only asking for trouble.

TIM: An' when ya get involved with the same sex, yer askin' me ta watch.

JAMES: Yes, and that's the kind of trouble I stay out of.

TIM: Yyyyyyep. We know, James. You keep writin' love letters ta Brock an' I'm sure he'll give ya a tumble one day.

MEOWTH: Youse guys don't need the opposite sex, cause you've got each other.
JESSIE: What does that mean?
JAMES: [unintelligible]

NODROG: It means some of the darkest, most twisted pokemon fanfic writers out there... were right!
KITSUNE76 (singing): Slash writers are everywhe-re.
Slash writers are everywhe-re.

[Zapdos appears and starts shooting electricity at them.]

WILL: Yeah, that's pretty much my reaction to Team Rocket, too.

ASH: Pikachu, it's Zapdos.

TIM: "Put 'im on call waiting!"

[Zapdos strafes them, then comes back for another pass.]

ASH: Pikachu, no!

[Pikachu gets on the boat and starts shocking Zapdos. Zapdos shocks Pikachu back, bowling him over.]

ALISIN: Pokémon foreplay.

[Zapdos rests on the altar and the island becomes electrified. Pikachu still continues to shock Zapdos.]

JESSIE: Pikachu's pretty tough... but Zapdos isn't even feeling its attacks.
MEOWTH: Those aren't attacks, Jessie. Pikachu's tryin' t'talk to Zapdos. It's sayin', "What are you doin' over here on Fire Island, Zapdos, and where's Moltres?"

WILL: "Now it's sayin', 'What are you doin' with those losers, Meowth, when your talk-to-animals power could have given you a lucrative career in veterinary medi...' Hmmm."

JESSIE: Good questions.

[Zapdos and Pikachu are connected with a strand of electricity. Pikachu staggers, then straightens, listening.]

JESSIE: Translation?
JAMES: What's it saying?

WILL: Did he just translate "translation?"
TIM: "Whaddayasay, whaddayasay!"

MEOWTH: It sayin' Moltres used to rule here... "But now dat Moltres is gone, Lightnin' shall rule over Fire, and I claim this island as my own from this day forward." Heh. I guess Moltres flew da coop.

[Electricity lances out in all directions... but something in the sky starts to drink it in. That something is Jirudian's ship, which begins to comes down.]

COMPUTER: Absorbing Zapdos's electrical energy.

WILL: "Expositing shamelessly."

JIRUDIAN: Drained of its power, Zapdos will be too weak to resist capture.

WILL: "Unless I send out an electrical trap for him that will recharge him. But that would just be stupid."

[Jirudian's ship sends out square electric things that catch Zapdos, and, in the process, Ash, his friends, Team Rocket, and the boat too.]

ALISIN: Not too discriminatin', are they? "Hmmm, looks like four kids, two guys in spandex, an' a boat! What a cleverly disguised bird!"

JIRUDIAN: Once I've captured Articuno... the real prize will appear.

ALISIN: "A Best Picture Oscar."
WILL: Don't even JOKE...

[A silver, stylized bird figure appears on Lawrence's chessboard.]

[That thing is still swimming underwater. Is it a bird, or the Loch Ness Monster?]

TIM: An' stroke! An' stroke! An' stroke! Feel the calories meltin' away!
WILL: That's right, Tim. Mock the physically fit.

COMPUTER: Code Blue 3. When capturing Zapdos, we collected something... more.

WILL: "More arrogant."

[Ash and co. in a cage with Zapdos and Moltres in a cage next to them.]

TRACEY: Zapdos. And Moltres.
MELODY: [Sees a stone tablet.] Hey, what's this? "Disturb not the Harmony of Fire, Ice, and Lightning... lest these Titans wreak destruction upon the World in which They clash." Hmmm...

ALISIN: "...Sounds like Milton. If Milton got drunk."

[Lawrence descends in his chair.]

JIRUDIAN: Well, this certainly is a pleasure, though an unexpected one. What do you think? Moltres, the Bird of Fire, and Zapdos, the Bird of Lightning. Of course, without Articuno, it's not a complete set, but...

TIM: "...they can be YOURS for only $3999.95! Order today, an' we'll include Tupperware leg irons!"

MISTY: That's disgusting! The way you talk, it's like Pokémon are just things to collect, like dolls or stamps! ...

WILL: ...
TIM: Yeah! They're supposed to be tools to world domination instead!

MISTY: What kind of trainer are you?

ALISIN: Ooo, somebody call PETA...

JIRUDIAN: I'm afraid I'm not a trainer, young lady. I am merely... a collector. I began my collection with a Mew card and... now I have all this.

WILL: ...
TIM: So th' message here is... collect Pokémon an' you too can be evil?

[Cage releases Ash and company.]

JIRUDIAN: Legendary Pokémon have always been my passion. And soon my collection itself will be legendary.

WILL: This guy is even more short-sighted than Mewtwo! How can a collection be legendary if assembling it DESTROYS THE WORLD?
ALISIN: Well, if a few people survive an' it really does destroy the world, it'll be like the most famous collection ever!

COMPUTER: Sensors indicate Articuno is changing course.
JIRUDIAN: And now you'll have to excuse me.


[He leaves.]

MELODY: The legend... could it be?

WILL: Hmmm. We've repeated this stone tablet like fifteen times now, and every major character's been familiarized with it... significant? Nope. Nope nope NOPE.

[Articuno flies around, blasting everything with ice.]

[Islanders are still watching TV, which illustrates its running commentary.]

WILL: "You're watching the Weather Channel. The Channel you never even think about when it's nice outside. You ungrateful slime. We hope you die."

TV: Here's a map of the area around Shamouti Island, the epicenter of the unprecedented worldwide weather disasters. Though their purpose is not yet clear, tens of thousands of Pokémon are now making their way toward the island. Water Pokémon are coming by sea, flying Pokémon are coming by air, and those unable to make the crossing are massing on the land nearest the islands. With me now are Professor Samuel Oak and Professor Felina Ivy to help shed some light on this phenomenon.

TIM: Their purpose is VERY clear! Each a' the 251 species gotta get some screen time!

[Cut to interior of a helicopter, where Oak, Ivy, and Mrs. Ketchum sit and a reporter and cameraman work.]

OAK: Near Shamouti lie the Islands of Fire, Ice, and Lightning, home to the legendary birds Moltres, Articuno, and Zapdos. I fear that they are somehow involved. Ancient writings from many different cultures name this area, specifically the Islands of Fire and Ice, as the cradle of the ocean, the source, if you will, of all the waters of the world. This has been disputed by scientists for centuries, but it does make some poetic sense when you consider what forms when combining fire and ice.

WILL: Steam?
TIM: The song "Sarah?"

REPORTER: And what about the island of lightning, Professor?
OAK: Well, imagine if an imbalance of power occurred between the powers of Lightning, Ice, and Fire. Here's, potentially, how the underwater current has formed. If the balance between the powers of Zapdos, Articuno, and Moltres were somehow disrupted, it's conceivable that a powerful underwater current, this "churning beast of the sea," could emerge from this region and ultimately flood the entire planet.

TIM: "Churnin' beast of the sea?" Yer kiddin', right? Look at those graphics! That's a DNA helix! They wanted ta say that Water an' Lightning created life, but th' Christian Right stifled th' translated version!
ALISIN: Damn Christians!
TIM: Yeah!
ALISIN: ...That's just not as much fun when Rikk's not here, is it?
TIM: Nah.

IVY: The Pokémon seem to be gathering because they feel a sense of impending doom. Pokémon are acutely in tune with the balance of nature. The urge to correct this imbalance is causing them to gather, possibly to try to save the planet, though they may be unable to do anything about it.

ALISIN: "On the bright side... oh, wait, there is no bright side."

REPORTER: And who are you?

[He points the microphone at Mrs. Ketchum.]

WILL: "I wish I knew..."

MRS. KETCHUM: My son and his friends are traveling in the Orange Islands. And if things get as bad as Professor Oak says, I may never see my boy again!... Ash is the whole world to me.

ALISIN: Ain't this a little... retroactive? I mean, din't Ash's Mom say hi to Pikachu before sayin' hi to Ash the last time they visited?
WILL: Unfortunately, Alisin, I don't know Pokémon continuity and Tim doesn't care.
TIM: Shhh! Here it comes...

[Slowking is on a ledge and it is snowing.]

SLOWKING: I could use pants.

TIM: AH HA HA! I can die happy now.
WILL: Really?

[Carol and that same old man (her father? Grandfather? Dirty old man of a husband? What?) looking out the window as it continues to snow.]

CAROL: Melody.

WILL: Why worry about HER? Isn't this the epicenter of the world's disasters? Wherever she's going, it's safer than here!

[When the day dawns... the sea is frozen over.]

[Ash and crew, including Team Rocket, are looking out of a window of Jirudian's flying ship.]

JESSIE: Well, this sure beats an in-flight movie.

ALISIN: What movie? It's a solid wall o' white! What are y'used t'watchin', "The Blair Snowman Project?"

MELODY: [Reading tablet.] "Disturb not the Harmony of Fire, Ice, and Lightning... lest these Titans wreak destruction upon the World in which They clash." What if the ancient legend is coming true...?

TIM: Then we gotta build a giant wrestlin' ring on Mars!

JAMES: If it is true, all intelligent life will be destroyed.

WILL: ...No, too easy.

JESSIE: That's right.
JAMES: And I'll be...
MEOWTH: You will be fine.

WILL: Yep, definitely too easy.

ASH: We've got to do something.
MISTY: We have to set Moltres and Zapdos free!
TRACEY: Yeah, but how?

TIM: "By reading to them the Word of the Lord."
ALISIN: ...Nah, just not nearly as fun.

[Ash tries charging at one of the cages and gets zapped back.]

WILL: Didn't he try this with Mewtwo, with similar results?
TIM: Yeah, but remember, Mewtwo made everybody forget everything they learned in the first movie!
WILL: Like it made a difference.

[Articuno meets Jirudian's ship in midair.]

JIRUDIAN: Time to turn up the heat.

[The ship shoots fire at Articuno and Articuno's ice constructs. But this attack seems less effective than the others; Articuno seems to be holding his own.]

WILL: In retrospect, it may not have been wise to permit the Bird of Ice to freeze over the WHOLE NEARBY OCEAN before going after it...

[The mysterious creature starts to surface at last. We can see it looks like a primitive, large bird... and it emerges in a waterspout. Its name is Lugia.]


[ Inside the ship Pikachu is shocking the cage, trying to free Moltres.]

ASH: I choose you, Charizard!

[Charizard starts blasting fire at the cage. The bird wakes... but the cage holds.]

ALISIN: "Do y' mind? Tryin' t' sleep here..."

MISTY: Fire and electricity aren't enough!
TRACEY: We can't just give up! We've got to keep trying.
JESSIE: Well, if things are going to start to get ugly... we might as well try Weezing.

WILL: Wheezing? How would THAT help?

JAMES: Right. Go.

[Weezing comes out and hits the cage, but it bounces off and collapses.]

TIM: Ah, the famous "lie there an' evoke pity" attack.

MEOWTH: C'mon, ya big palooka, get up an' fight!
JESSIE: Let's try Arbok.

[Sends out Arbok]

JESSIE: Now, Arbok. Use poison sting.

WILL: Give that cage an irritating rash it'll never forget!

[Arbok does attack but it doesn't affect the cage.]

ASH: Squirtle, Bulbasaur, I choose you!

WILL: "Which doesn't negate my choice of Charizard earlier. I'm not too particular, really."

[They start adding their attacks to the others'... and it's finally enough. The cage explodes and Moltres is free. Moltres easily frees Zapdos and they escape. Then they start to throw their attacks at the floating machine. They're at much too close range for the machine's weapons to be effective, and the machine goes down.]

WILL: You know... impressive computer graphics aside, is that thing really a good design for a warcraft?
TIM: Yeah, a wind-powered airship seems ta be missin' somethin' essential.

COMPUTER: Mayday. Prepare for crash landing on Lightning Island.

[Machine crashes into island. Ash and everybody else run for their lives, Team Rocket in front.]

[When Ash falls, a treasure comes falling out in front of him. This one has electricity in it. Then Zapdos comes and shoots electricity at them.]

MISTY: Look out!

[All birds start fighting each other and a waterspout emerges.]

ALISIN: Th' itsy-bitsy 2000-pound bird swam up th' waterspout...

[Team Rocket hides out in the motorboat.]

JESSIE: I'd hate to get burned by their fire.
JAMES: I'd hate to get hit by their lightning.

WILL: Well, only one of them has fire, and only one lightning. If you want to get technical.
TIM [elbowing Alisin]: It's workin'...

MEOWTH: I'd hate to get hit by their droppings!

[Ash and friends climb on the boat while the three birds continue to fight. But that soon proves a mistake, as a tidal rush sends the boat out of control. Then the waterspout saves it from falling and crashing. A strange sound can be heard in the background.]

MELODY: What's that sound?

WILL: That dull, thudding sound? The plot.

[Team Rocket scurry to set up an inflatable lifeboat.]

JESSIE: Quick, we may need this!

ALISIN: Then they set up some inflatable life insurance!

[The spout throws the boat onto a ledge, and Team Rocket's lifeboat goes flying further up the mountain. The boat begins to fall off the ledge, and everybody else scrambles off, just in time to see that...]

WILL: It takes a superhuman effort to get thrown from a boat in midair TWICE IN ONE MOVIE.
TIM: I'm tellin' ya, these guys must've pissed off the gypsies from Stephen King's Thinner.

[Slowking is waiting for them, the same place he's always been.]

SLOWKING: Take the treasure, and put it there.

[He points to the altar.]

ASH: You can talk?

TIM: "Uh, I mean... Slowking."
WILL: The world is ending and Ash wants to know this guy's speech therapist.

[Pikachu points to Ash's pockets.]

ALISIN: "Quick! The mace!"

ASH: Oh, right.

[He follows Pikachu to the altar and places the first treasure.]

TIM: A thick wad of chewin' gum... oh, ya mean THIS treasure.

ASH: Fire Island.
[Then the other.]

ALISIN: "Booze Island."

Lightning Island.
[But there is still an empty space.]

SLOWKING: So you're Ash. You're one treasure short.

TIM: Huh. Ya notice that Ash is also a "collector," this time around, not just an army-builder?
WILL: Should I care?
TIM: Significance!

ASH: Yeah, I know, but... how'd you know my name?

[Ash and crew watch as the three birds continue to fight, destroying everything around them. Ash runs out and waves to them.]

ALISIN: "Hiiiii!"


WILL: He tried THIS dumb idea in the last movie too! It got him KILLED! Didn't he learn anything in the last TV SEASON, either?

[Then the waterspout rises from the water and Lugia, a massive bird more powerful than any one of the others, appears from it.]

NODROG: It's a bird. Well, still more impressive then a talking stone doughnut.

SLOWKING: The Great Guardian, Lugia.

BLACKJACK: With a name like Lugia, it's got to be good. Or very, very bad.

MELODY: I can't believe it.

ASH: Lugia?

REV (As Slowking): Yes, goddammit! Lugia! Do you have to have everything explained to you in the tiniest minute detail? I swear, there's a 3 year old watching out there that's grasped more than you, kiddo!

[Lugia roars, making a strange noise.]

MELODY: That sound!

[She looks at her conch.]

ALISIN: "If I had an agent, I could make it number one with a bullet!"

[Jirudian is watching through the telescope in what remains of his ship.]

JIRUDIAN: Finally, my prize. It's magnificent. The beast of the sea... you belong to me.

TIM: "I'll keep ya in th'smoldering crater that used ta be my jail room..." Damn. Even *I* can't stop pickin' on the logic flaws in *this* one.

[All three birds are trying to attack Lugia. Lugia goes under what and forms a waterspout, but Articuno freezes it. Then Lugia comes out and they keep fighting.]

MELODY: "Though the Water's Great Guardian will arise to quell the fighting, alone its Song will fail, thus the Earth shall turn to Ash."
SLOWKING: This looks bad.

WILL: "Looked bad" yesterday, too, didn't it?
ALISIN: This guy an' Professor Ivy should go out.
TIM (as Professor Ivy, blandly): "No, that would only end in misery."

[The birds, fighting again. Finally all three of the minor birds hit Lugia from all sides, knocking it unconscious. It falls into the sea, and Articuno ices over it.]

[Meanwhile, Oak, Ivy, and Mrs. Ketchum get rocked on the helicopter.]

MRS. KETCHUM: What are Ash and his friends doing out in this terrible weather? I'm worried about them.

ALISIN: "I gotta be! I got no other job in this movie!" Man, I'm so glad I don't have kids.

OAK: Save a little worry for us!
IVY: The fate of our planet is what we should really be worried about. And the Pokémon know that better than any of us.

WILL: "You've always got to top me, don't you?"

[The Pokémon shown earlier gather closer to the island, marching over the frozen ocean. Slowking's spirits are not lifted.]

SLOWKING: There's only one hope. Only the Chosen One can bring together the Treasures to help the Waters' Great Guardian.

WILL: "Now wherrre could we find a Chosen One? Hmmm. Under this rock? Nooo... Falling out of the sky? Hmm... Mm-mm. Where could he beee?"

MELODY: But the legend says its song will fail.
SLOWKING: "And thus the Earth shall turn to Ash."

WILL: Oh, well, too bad. Nice knowing you guys! Roll credits!

MELODY: But how are we going to find the Chosen One if we don't even know where to look?
MISTY: It's right in the legend. "The Earth shall turn to Ash."

TIM: So, what, the world population is gonna turn inta five billion Ash Ketchums?
ALISIN: "I wanna be the very best! No, *I* wanna be!"

TRACEY: Ash, it's talking about you!
ASH: Ah, I'm the... Chosen One? Wait a minute... trainin' Pokémon's tough enough, but savin' the world is way too hard!

WILL: Um... the alternative is a LOT harder, Ash...

MISTY: I know it doesn't sound easy, Ash...
TRACEY: But you're the only one who matches the legend perfectly. What do you say?

TIM: "Hmm. Mostly, I say lotsa self-centered stuff, an' 'I choose you,' an' the names of my Pokémon an' their attacks. That pretty much covers it."

ASH: Well, right now I wish my Mom had named me Bob instead of Ash.

WILL: But then thousands of kids named "Bob" would suffer horribly on school playgrounds.

MELODY: Ash, this whole thing is my fault. I... I never should've dragged you into this.
ASH: Well, I guess I've got to go along with that.
MISTY: Don't blame yourself.

WILL: Let us do it for you.

MISTY: Ash always gets us into trouble.

ALISIN: An' after puberty, he'll be gettin' me int' even MORE trouble!

ASH: Yeah, but nothin' like this!
MELODY (realizing something): Lugia. The sound it makes is just like the song from the legend.

ALISIN: "It musta swallowed a synthesizer!"

[Melody plays the flute and Lugia wakes. Lugia comes crashing out of the water.]

WILL: Sure. Fine. Whatever.

LUGIA: The song. The song has restored my strength. But it alone cannot bring harmony to the three warring ones.
ASH: What do you mean?
LUGIA: When the treasures of Fire, Ice, and Lightning are aligned, my song will harmonize with their powers and tame the beasts both above and below the sea. But this can come to pass only with the help of the Chosen One.

WILL: Because, see, only your genetic imprint... no, that's not it... um, you just happen to be a blood ancestor of... uh, your name is actually a magical word meaning... oh, hell, just go with it.

ASH: But what can I do that somebody else can't?

WILL: Whine for twelve hours straight!
TIM: Luke Skywalker's got that...

LUGIA: Only in the hands of the true Chosen One will the Ice Sphere glow like the others, its power awakened. [gestures to Ice Island, across the frozen sea.]
ASH: I-I have to go... there?
LUGIA: The choice is yours. You must go only where your heart leads.

ALISIN: "Now hurry up."

ASH: Maybe I... mmm...

[As the birds continue to fight, Ash reaches for courage... and Pikachu tugs at his leg.]

TIM: Now, this... this is okay. It ain't too often you get an anime hero who's seriously afraid of dyin'.
WILL: I'd be a lot more moved if the guy hadn't already electrocuted himself by running head-first into a cage.

ASH: Pikachu?

[Pikachu repeats his name encouragingly. Charizard and Squirtle come out of their Pokeballs and encourage Ash too.]

ALISIN: Wait! Whoa! Pokies can come out of the pokey whenever they FEEL like it?

ASH: You think so... too? Okay...
[Starts sobbing.]
I'll do whatever it takes to get that third treasure... but what if I mess up? What if... I-I-I...

ALISIN: "Get so underconfident..."
WILL: "After like 200 straight victories..."
ALISIN: "That I start whinin' in a critical moment and die?"
TIM: "Oh, wait, that's now."
TIM [smiles enigmatically]

MISTY: You can do it.
MELODY: We know you can.
ASH( bringing his head back up): Yeah, you're right, I can do it. I'm the Chosen One.

[Cut to Ash, walking through snow.]

ASH: R-Right now, I feel more like the Frozen One.

WILL: And as soon as the icequakes begin, we can continue this theme with "The Squozen One."

[He falls into the snow.]

ASH: Maybe they got the wrong Ash.

ALISIN: "D'OH! We wanted the chainsaw guy from Army of Darkness!"

[Pikachu points to the wrecked boat. Cut to Ash on a piece of the boat with his Pokémon pulling him as a sled team.]

ASH: This is a lot better than walkin', Pikachu. We'll be there in no time now!

TIM: I'm sure all th'dead fish yer ridin' over are thrilled ta hear it, big guy.

[And back on the Big Island...]

MISTY: Good luck, Ash.
JESSIE: Sigh... he's always the hero.

WILL: Only because nobody else even TRIES! What's the deal here? Melody was so keen to get out and help Ash, and now that the hard part of the journey starts, she sits around and WATCHES? Tracey, Marin, and Misty too?

JAMES: ...We're always a zero.
MEOWTH: We could be heroes too, if we ever caught a break.

TIM: CRACK! Ha ha!
WILL: Wait a minute... you LIKE Meowth... why are YOU saying that?

[Oak's helicopter crashes into the snow. But everyone walks out, pretty much unhurt.]

ALISIN: Haven't y' gotten it yet, y'big goof?

[Team Rocket watches the copter... looks back at the liferaft... and gets an idea.]

JESSIE, JAMES, and MEOWTH (simultaneously): Ah! I've got an idea.

TIM: Yeah, that was Alisin and me, without the creepy talkin' in unison, when we realized we had a showin' of Pokemon 2000 here. We both went, "a-HA!"
WILL: What are you talking about?

[Ash is heading toward the island sledding. Lugia and his Pokémon protect him from the other three birds' attacks, but ultimately he loses his sled and gets walled off by a mountain of ice.]

ASH: We'll never get there now.

TIM: You haven't whined about Kath once in the last hour! You been too bloodthirsty and nit-picky ta be depressed!
WILL: You're saying... this is THERAPY?

[Something buzzing is coming at him from the distance.]

ASH: Huh? Who could that be?

ALISIN: The Grinch!
TIM: Tourists!
WILL: ...

[It's Team Rocket on their lifeboat with the rudder from the helicopter pushing it along.]

JESSIE: If that kid thinks we're here for trouble...
JAMES: We're certainly going to burst his bubble.

ALISIN: "HA! He thinks we're gonna take his animals an' kill 'im! We'll show him!"

JESSIE: Instead of causing tribulation...
JAMES: ...We've undergone a transformation.

TIM: "Now Jessie is a guy too!"

JESSIE: Though it's way outside our usual range...
JAMES: ...We're going to do something nice for a change.
JESSIE: Jessie!
JAMES: James!
JESSIE: Up till now, Team Rocket's been quite unscrupulous...
JAMES: Being good guys for once would be super-dupulous!
MEOWTH: That's right.

WILL: Where did this come from, exactly? Have Jessie and James long held this secret desire to be heroes?
ALISIN: Dunno. Talk t' that "Blackjack" chick in th' back. She knows everythin'.

ASH: What are they doin' here?

TIM: They brought ya tea, crumpets, an' porno mags. They're bein' nice now just ta keep ya guessin'.

[Ash is now aboard Team Rocket's raft and is zooming toward the island.]

ASH: You wanna help?

WILL: No, they said "you need help."

JAMES: Of course.
JESSIE: We don't want the world destroyed.

NICOLAS JUZDA: Just, you know, some of those little European countries that no one'd miss.

JAMES: Even if we survived...
JESSIE: ...there'd be no one left to steal from.

ALISIN: "Or to recite poetry to."

BLACKJACK: Oh, no. The two of them having to re-populate the world? (James) "Ooh! And I thought that was just a muscle spasm!"

JAMES: We'd be out of work!

NODROG: "And what other job would let me dress up in women's clothing? And doesn't require talent?"

JESSIE: Come to think of it, when's the last time we had a vacation?
MEOWTH: We'll be on a permanent vacation if we don't get to that island.

TIM: When yer brain-dead, every day's a vacation. Right, Willy? Willy?
WILL: Oh, my Lord... I didn't think this was POSSIBLE, but...

[Moltres shows up behind them.]

JESSIE: Evasive maneuvers.
JESSIE AND JAMES: On the double!

WILL: By comparison with Ash... Team Rocket is starting to look... GOOD.

[They dodge the remaining attacks with Lugia's help, and race up the mountain through a cavern and reach the temple. No, I DON'T know how a liferaft with a rudder manages to rise up an underground cavern that goes FROM SEA LEVEL TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN. It just DOES, okay?]

[Everybody piles out and Pikachu locates the Ice Sphere or Orb or Treasure or whatever. Ash pulls it out.]

MEOWTH: Okay, ya got the third treasure, now let's get back to the island!

ALISIN: "But we just GOT here!"

JESSIE: Right...
JAMES: ...I almost forgot.

WILL: Maybe there's only one brain between them, but... it's still more than Ash has...

[But before they can get out, the three birds attack, smash their raft, and cut off their main escape route. Articuno gets the worst of the battle, getting pinned under a long flame attack. When it ends, he does not rise.]

[Pikachu climbs a side and cries for the others to follow.]

MEOWTH: Come on, come on, let's go!

ALISIN: Ooo, sexually...
TIM: ...suggestive!
[TIM and ALISIN high-five.]

[They follow him, then run together, then Ash and Pikachu get out in front. While he is running down the mountain, Lugia comes flying next to him.]

LUGIA: The treasure.
ASH: I got it!

WILL: "So, uh, what kinda Pokeball is this anyway? I split it open but nothin' came out except this blue goo."

LUGIA: Get on.
ASH: Pikachu.

[Ash jumps on Lugia.]

ALISIN: YEEEEE-HOO! Hot bestiality action!

JESSIE: Don't leave without us!

[They grab onto Lugia's tail.]

WILL: ...They made it...

[Lugia flies with Ash on his back while dodging two birds' attacks.]

TIM: Then for his next trick, he saws a woman in half while pattin' his head an' rubbin' his stomach. Blindfolded.

LUGIA: Hold on tight.
[Continues dodging.]

JESSIE: We're slowing Luvia down, the three of us are too heavy!

ALISIN: Anorexia's an ugly thing.

JAMES: Let's try Weight Watchers.
JESSIE: It's too late for that.
MEOWTH: I heard it's never too late if you really stick to the prograaam!

TIM: Then they push Meowth off the end an' say, "You're right, we've lost fifty pounds already!"

JESSIE: If we don't let go, they might not make it back!
JAMES: Let's protect the world from devastation...
MEOWTH: Guess we gotta let go.

TIM [doing a truly pathetic imitation of Sting]: Free, free... set them free...

JESSIE: Are you guys ready?
JAMES: Let's do it.

WILL: I... I don't believe this...

[All of Team Rocket lets go of Lugia's tail and begins to fall.]

ASH: What are ya doing?

ALISIN: Goin' out right.
WILL: ...Yeah!

JESSIE, JAMES, MEOWTH: Team Rocket's blasting off for gooood!
ASH: Team Rocket!

[Lugia flies away while Team Rocket falls.]

TIM: "I thought they'd never leave."
ALISIN: "Now where were we, honey?"

JESSIE: Think we did the right thing?
JAMES: I know we did the right thing, Jessie. And it feels great.

WILL: I don't believe this, I really don't. I haven't got PROBLEM ONE with this. These total crackbrained screwups finally getting their act together the minute that they decide to do something noble... that's a good idea. That's touching. What's it doing in THIS movie?

MEOWTH: Well, this is it, then.
JESSIE: Oh, let's not say goodbye...

TIM: "Let's just scream like stuck pigs!"

[They all grab onto each other.]

JAMES: Let's just say...
MEOWTH: We're gonna die.

WILL: And when did they get FUNNY?
ALISIN: Ehhh, big deal. Just translators amusin' themselves...

[They fall into the icy water and resurface. They look up to see a Gyrados in the same patch of water as them. Not to mention thousands of other Pokémon are gathered around them.]

[Meanwhile Ash is up in the air riding Lugia.]

ASH: Lugia! Why are all those Pokémon down there?

WILL: "Hey, we TOLD you this collection was going to become legendary! Kids, start assembling your scale model frozen ocean today."

LUGIA: Because they feel they must be here in case they are needed.

ALISIN: "Sorta like your pals, only less ornamental."

ASH: But what could they do to help?
LUGIA: They are not sure. And that is why they are here.

WILL: Here's a hint: BREAK UP THE FIGHT. Heck, TWO of Ash's Pokémon briefly held up against attacks from those way-powerful birds... don't you think HUNDREDS might have done more?

ASH: Whattaya mean?
LUGIA: That just one of them could make the difference would be worth the journey for all of them any day. But this day, the one that could make all the difference is you.

WILL: No, I guess they don't.
TIM: Third moral of the story: sometimes ten thousand individuals can't make any difference whatsoever.

[Lugia glides above the ice and flies towards where Tracey, Misty, and Melody are.]

MISTY: Please hurry.
MELODY: Let's hope the... Legend is true.

ALISIN: Well, if it is, then all Ash hadda do was get all three stones int' his hands at once. We coulda solved this thing by now if not for Slowking's little "special effects" ritual.

[As Ash waves to them, Jirudian's rings come again to capture Lugia. Jirudian is still not giving up.]

JIRUDIAN: Soon, Lugia, you will be mine and my destiny will be fulfilled at last.

WILL: "To be the world's richest drowned corpse. It's not just a dream. It's a calling."

[Lugia screeches and fights to get out. It shoots a hyper-beam which hits and destroys the rest of Jirudian's ship. Then Lugia falls into the icy waters, taking Ash with him. Ash and Pikachu float to the surface while Lugia sinks deeper. Ash is unconscious, and Pikachu can barely keep Ash's head afloat.]

LUGIA (drifting out of consciousness): I have failed.

TIM: "I knew I shoulda crammed harder on those electricity traps... but I thought I could make it up with matching questions!"

[Thousands of Pokémon gather and watch tornadoes blow, lightning flash, and the world heading to its end.]

ALISIN: "Y'know, this would be much better on cable."

[On the Big Island, Melody makes a choice.]

MELODY: Here. Take this.

[She hands the conch to Misty.]

WILL: "You're chief now."

MELODY: Legend or not, Ash can't do this alone.

WILL: THANK you...!

MISTY: Mm-mm. [Shakes her head.] You've got to play Lugia's song. I'll go look for him. And Ash is never really alone, cause he's got... me.

TIM: Awww.
WILL: Only alone in his own mind.

[They clasp hands.]

ALISIN: "Ow! Indian burn!"

[Pikachu struggles to keep Ash afloat in the freezing surf. Suddenly Misty is swimming toward them.]

TIM: She is a good swimmer, just like a water gym graduate would be. Such attention ta detail...!
WILL: Shut up.
TIM: Now that's the Willy I remember. We've nursed ya back to psychological health. An' ya have me ta thank for it...!
WILL: Shut up.

MISTY: Pikachu! Just hang on.

[Once she's reached Ash, she tugs a rope around her waist. Tracey pulls her in while she holds onto Ash and Pikachu. They get onto land.]

MISTY (huffing): Come on, Ash. Breathe.

WILL: "Don't wanna!"

[She shakes him and tries to pump air into him.]

ALISIN: But kissin' is icky, so she can't do mouth-to-mouth and he dies.

MISTY: Please, Ash... please, you can't...

WILL: "...force me to be sitting around and whimpering about how you're dead for two movies running!"

[Ash's eyes open and he sits up.]

ASH: Uh? The Sphere!

[He pulls the treasure from his pocket and walks away.]

ALISIN: Uh, you're welcome? Don't mention it?

MISTY: Ash...

[Tracey catches Ash as he stumbles, but Ash pushes him away.]

ASH: Lemme go! I gotta do this.

WILL: "There's no time to waste, so I gotta walk on my own instead of having two able-bodied friends carry me!"

[Ash walks up the mountain and Misty and Tracey follow. He trips and Misty and Tracey stop him from falling, but then he walks on alone. Melody and Slowking are waiting at the top and see him.]

MELODY: He made it.
SLOWKING: Have you brought the final treasure, Ash?

WILL: "Hmm, I been tossed around on a struggling bird, submerged, electrocuted, dropped in frozen ocean and knocked unconscious... but no, I never let go of the treasure."

ASH: [offering him the treasure] Here it is, Slowking.

TIM: "How'd you know my name?"

SLOWKING (pointing): You must be the one to place it.

[Ash runs to the altar and places the third treasure. Light emits from the three treasures and greenish water flows out from under the altar and turns the columns around it crystalline.]

MISTY: The song.

ALISIN: "Boogie Nights."

[Melody runs up to the altar and plays her ocarina. Each time she hits a note a column lights up. The tree birds that were lying on the floor awaken and all the tornadoes disappear. The sun starts to shine and the greenish water flows into the ocean and makes it normal again. The three birds start flying, at peace now, and Lugia appears again from the water and flies up into the air. He comes to where Ash and co. is and motions for him to climb on again. So Ash jumps on Lugia's back and he starts flying. A water rainbow appears in the sky and Jirudian watches on as the Pokémon return home. The arch of water goes back into the water. Melody finishes playing. Meanwhile, the islanders are astonished at the change.]

WILL: Basically, everything wrong is right again.
TIM: Too bad all those Pokémon were standin' on the ice when this happened...

TV: And as you can see from these live pictures, the severe weather that's caused havoc around the globe has finally ended...

ALISIN: "So y' don't really need an announcer t' tell ya..."

[Fade to black. Back to Ash and co... Luvia faces them at sunset.]

LUGIA: The beast of the sea has been tamed. The fate of the world could not have been in better hands.

ALISIN: Now tell me those two ain't lovers.
TIM: Well, *I* can't.

[Lugia flies away and dives into the sea. Ash is in awe.]

TIM: Awe? Awwwww!


[Mrs. Ketchum and Prof. Oak are climbing down to where Ash is.]

OAK: [has some trouble climbing down, rubs his stiff back, and says something like "Oh, my labago." Does anyone who's reading this know what a "labago" is? Is it a medical term?]

ASH: It's my mom!

WILL: I told you he didn't know her name. Hell, he can't even say, "Mom!"

[She runs up to him.]

MRS. KETCHUM: All right, start talking. You are in big trouble, Mister.

ALISIN: "Is that a challenge, Mom? [lower, scarier] You know how I feel about challenges... Charizard, Fire Attack."

MISTY: But Mrs. Ketchum, Ash just helped save the whole world.

ALISIN: Well, heck! Best excuse *I* ever came up with was, "my best friend had a baby!" 'Course, I left home pretty young...

MRS. KETCHUM: Oh, he did, did he? (softens) Well, I could have lost my whole world. Every day I worry about you and wonder if you're all right. I know I can't stop you... from doing the things you need to do... I just can't help missing you all the time. You're a Pokémon trainer, and that's just how it is... But next time, could you try to save the world a little closer to home?

TIM: "Sure, Mom. Next time, I'll ask 'em to move the fight to right over your house."

ASH: I... guess I could give it a try.
MRS. KETCHUM: And remember... every day... you're my hero.

WILL: "Right next to that dear little boy from Home Alone."

ASH (after a hushed beat): Thanks, Mom.
OAK: We've got to get back to Pallet Town and tell the other Pokémon researchers about this. Come on!

WILL: Hey, Prof, you want to ask any QUESTIONS first, like HOW the world was saved, WHO shot those bands at Lugia... you know, do actual RESEARCH to impress the researchers with?
TIM: All they really need is a "I survived Lugia '00" T-shirt.

[That night. What is left of Jirudian's ship includes a Pokémon card on the floor. It is of Mew. Jirudian picks it up and looks at it.]

JIRUDIAN: How it all began. And how I'll begin... again.

ALISIN: Not much fazes this guy, does it?
WILL: "Hmmm. I just wrecked thousands of dollars of equipment and got my collection vaporized. Bother."

[The next morning, Team Rocket climbs up onto a ledge.]

JESSIE: I don't believe it.
JAMES: For once, we were heroes.
MEOWTH: Too bad nobody saw us.
SLOWKING: Guess again.

TIM: "Uh... okay... too GOOD nobody saw us."

[They all look up to see Slowking standing in front of them.]

JESSIE: What... did you... say?

TIM: "Slowking. Slowking Slowking Slowking."

SLOWKING: Lots of people saw what you did out there. And all of them are watching you right now.

[Slowking turns toward the viewer... and Team Rocket follows his gaze.]

ALISIN: Trippy...

JESSIE: Then I guess the bad guys...
JAMES: ...are finally...
MEOWTH: ... good guys!

WILL: You can BAG the rest of the movie, but... I'd be willing to give Team Rocket just one more chance... but TR was one of the WORST parts of the first movie... I mean...

JESSIE: So then we're not bad!
JAMES: That's good!
MEOWTH: What if the boss finds out?
JAMES: That's bad!
JESSIE: We'll start our own team!
JAMES: That's good!
MEOWTH: But we got no money.
JAMES: That's bad!
JESSIE: Then we'll just steal some!
JAMES: That's good... or is that bad? Ohh...

WILL: What's good?? What's bad?? I don't KNOW anymore!
TIM: Glad ta help.

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