The Glass Panel


1. Archie’s talking on the phone, lying in bed in his PJs. His pillow is lumped onto his chest.

Caption: Midnight in Riverdale.

Archie: Jughead, I can’t sleep. Can you?

Phone: Archie, I can always sleep.

2. Betty’s talking on the phone, lying in bed with her clothes on. Her pillow is lumped onto her chest.
Phone: Betty?
Betty: Hi, Polly. I… just missed the sound of your voice.
3. This panel is divided by a diagonal jagged line, which separates close-ups of Archie and Jughead. Dark circles under Jughead’s eyes.
Archie: Nancy says Chuck’s been sketching like crazy. Samantha keeps muttering numbers. Do you think we can… handle this?
Jughead: Sure. One day at a time. Same as always.
4. This panel is divided by a diagonal jagged line, which separates close-ups of Betty and Polly. (Polly’s a redhead in Archie’s shade, not Cheryl’s. She’s got all of Veronica’s confidence and none of her pettiness.
Polly: Isn’t that sweet.
Polly: It’s Archie again, isn’t it? I’m telling you, you’re just a late bloomer!
Betty: No… no, sis, I’ve got… a big decision to make…
5. Jughead piles his pillow on top of his head. He’s trying to be nice, but Archie is cutting directly into his fourteen hours of sleep.
Jughead: Trust me, Arch, it’ll make more sense in the morning.
Jughead: ((Or the afternoon.))
Jughead: ((Or the evening.))
6. Polly’s sitting in a frat house room. No, there’s no beer in sight, but there are Greek letters on the walls and a smitten fratboy whose head Polly is scratching vigorously.
Polly: Ohhh, a big decision! Well, start by doing the opposite of what your big sister would do. I mean, Dad has enough gray hairs, right?
Phone: …Never mind.
1. Int. Professor Flutensnoot’s lab. (Aside from Miss Beasly and some of the parents, I think ol’ Prof is the only character who didn’t even manage a cameo in this story. Too bad; it was a panic when he challenged Archie to fisticuffs. Oh, well.) Dilton is assembling a Kirbyesque hunk of raw machinery, roughly structured around Mr. Lodge’s metal detector. Sabrina looks on, not understanding any of it.
Caption: Riverdale High.
Dilton: I need a transistor.
Sabrina: A wha?
Dilton: Well, a semiconductor will do.
Sabrina: I haven’t taken physics yet.
2. Dilton rolls his eyes, and points to the parts of the machine he indicates. Sabrina’s very existence irritates him, and her current manner is not helping.
Dilton: (SIGH)
Dilton: I need something that can take the electricity–excuse me, the "zap"–from this red metal thing and put it into this blue metal thing.
Sabrina: Oh.
3. Sabrina holds up a pencil, which begins to show her usual asterisk-like sparkle effect.
Sabrina: Is solid gold too soft?
Dilton: No, it’s perfect. Richie Rich will be beside himself with envy.
Sabrina: "Transform this pencil’s lead to gold, keep said pencil hard and cold, so our plan a spark may hold."
4. Now Dilton is holding the pencil, which has become solid gold, and bending it to connect the red node to the blue node. Sabrina’s hand pounds the table beside him. (Those who are still visualizing the TV character, note: the comic-book Sabrina has freckles.)
Dilton: And if you ever discover a spell to remove freckles, you’ll be set.
Sabrina: That does it!
5. Dilton meets Sabrina’s eyes with a condescending sneer.
Sabrina: Why can’t you be civil to me?
Dilton: Easy. Your belief in "magic" is an insult to science. Ask me a hard question… if you have one.
6. The lab as viewed from outside, and slightly above. We can see Sabrina through the window.
Sabrina: Maybe they teach things differently in Riverdale High… but I learned that real scientists consider all possible ideas. Even the "insulting" ones.

1. Sabrina’s hand sparkles before her face, emphasizing her point.
Sabrina: You’ve seen my magic with your own eyes, Dilton. Is it unscientific to believe in it… or not to believe in it?
2. Sabrina folds her arms, waiting for an answer. Dilton pretends to be absorbed in the working of his machine.
Sabrina: Hard enough for you?
3. Suddenly Dilton jerks his head up to the window, but Sabrina is not to be distracted.
Dilton: What was that sound?
Sabrina: It was the "Svenson detector" clicking.
Dilton: No, that other sound.
Sabrina: That crumbling sound? I think it was your argument…
4. The window implodes, sending glass flying.
5. Betty lies on the bed, eyes wide open, pretending to snore, and deeply worried about her sister. Voice from door: Betty, did I hear you talking on the phone?
Betty: Zzzzzz……
6. Betty quickly puts the receiver to her ear.
Betty: ((Cripes!…))
Betty: Hel–
Phone: Betty, it’s Dilton. The good news is, we’ve fixed the tracker. The bad news is, it puts Svenson 1200 miles east of here. The worse news is–

1. Dilton and Sabrina are under attack from a massive wave of superheroes… the original Mighty Crusaders. The Black Hood. The Shield. The Comet. The Web. Fly Man (who has gone by the name "The Fly" in his mercifully brief revivals). Fly Girl. The Web. Pow Girl. You can look all these lame-o losers up on the Website. While Dilton is talking out of a phone attached to Flutensnoot’s desk, Sabrina is trying to set up a layer of defensive spells. But while the Crusaders are not especially practiced (or bright), they are far too boisterous for Sabrina to keep track of them all. Did you gather this was a large panel?
Dilton: I think he knows where we are, too.
Black Hood: Mighty Crusaders… Attack!
Shield: Ha! One side, gents! The Shield will carry the day!
Comet: Not while the Comet is ready to streak into action!
Pow Girl: Ladies first! Pow Girl is here to sock them down!
Fly Girl: Couples first! Fly Man and I will swat them down!
Fly Man: Actually, Fly Girl, that’s "The" Fly now…
Sabrina: ((Calm. Calm. Don’t freak. Calm.))
2. Dilton stands up, his back to the desk.
Dilton: He’s sicced some kind of ballet troupe or something on us.
3. Sabrina turns the Black Hood into… a black hood… and the Shield into Captain America’s shield. In the background, behind Sabrina, the Flies squabble.
Fly Girl: "The" Fly? What’s that make me, the "other" fly? You sexist pig!
Fly Man: Honey, not in front of the villains!
Sabrina: "Those who haven’t run too far, let your names be what you are…"

1. The Web’s fist begins to hurtle toward Dilton. He notices
it and regards it as an annoying distraction.
Dilton: I’ve already hidden the detector from them…
Dilton: [A complex vector equation in a thought balloon.]
Web: Ha! This mad scientist is about to be caught… by the Web!
2. Dilton sends the Web himself hurtling over his shoulder with a judo move. He also holds the phone to his ear with his other shoulder.
Web: OOF!
Dilton: Look, can I call you back?
Phone: Wait! What was that about the Web?
3. Betty is having interference troubles of her own… she has to keep the door closed with her back while holding onto the phone with one hand. She grabs a chair with her other hand.
SFX from door: BAM! BAM! BAM!
Voice from door: Betty, open this door!
Betty: Svenson… mentioned… an Archie Comics website…
4. Dilton’s interest is captured. His body might have been captured, too, but Sabrina levitates the Web out of Dilton’s range and into a wall. Like Dilton and Betty, Sabrina is multitasking. She’s also locked in aerial wrestling with the Fly Girl, who calls out to the Comet for some help.
Dilton: A Website?
Pow Girl: John!
Fly Girl: I could use some help here, Comet!
Comet: I’d like to, but… men can’t hit girls!
5. Betty has the chair wedged under the doorknob now, and is getting ready to jump out her window. She’s already stretched the phone cord about as far as it will go.
Phone: Call Reggie… to Pop Tate’s. Bring… the D.I.L.T.O.N. disk.
Voice from door: Whatever it is, we can talk about it! We love you!
Betty: …on my way…
6. While the Comet pins Dilton under Flutensnoot’s desk, Fly Man punches Sabrina out.
Voice from dork (Fly Man, to be specific): It just hit me! (Ha ha! Get it?) No innocent-looking girl could really be so vicious… so she must really be our old enemy the Wizard, in disguise!

1. The original art from page five (yes, the one we just read) comes through a fax machine.
2. Svenson is talking on the phone (sure are a lot of them in this one) inside his huge Archie comics library. He examines the fax as he talks.
Svenson: Yes, I haff it. It looks gut, zank you, Kenny. Keep sending zem in as zey come, and I’ll put in a good vord for you vith your supervisors.
3. Svenson puts the phone down and uses the fax to mop his brow.
Svenson: All right. I’ve done all I can. I’ve set ze parents and superheroes against zem. Vhen Dilton found me, I moved from New York to my library.
4. Svenson looks quite small in the massive hall. The dominant feature in this section is a huge Archie balloon, used for the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade and re-inflated here.
Svenson (whispering): But in Archie Comics, ze teenagers alvays vin…
Svenson: Und I’ve threatened as much as I dare. I vish I could bribe, but I can’t offer zem vhat zey vant…
5. Svenson looks at a stack of random Archie comics lining the wall, showing the "Archie 3000" feature, which implies that the gang will be rehashing their old shticks a thousand years from now.
Svenson: Zey don’t realize zeir roles. Who vants a married Archie? A dowvager Veronica? A religious Reggie? Nobody! So zey’re doomed to lose.
6. Really extreme close-up on Svenson, who is VERY worried.
Svenson (whispering): But who vants to see Betty’s dreams lost… or forgotten?
Svenson (whispering): In Archie Comics, ze teenagers alvays vin…
Svenson (whispering): Und minor characters like Svedish janitors come und go…

1. The Crusaders have bound Dilton and Sabrina hand and foot in webs. (And no, the Web doesn’t have the power to spin webs. Fly Man has the power to spin webs. No. Really.) Fly Man ponders Dilton’s fate.
Fly Man: You’re the worst of them. Svenson called you "the most intelligent teen on Earth!"
Dilton: That’s preposterous!
2. Dilton is not the most egocentric of the Archie characters… but he’s not the least, either. The Comet crunches a desk in half for no particular reason. Sabrina groans.
Dilton: …Maybe in the state…
Fly Man: But your partners are still creating mayhem and chaos… and only our righteous fists can restore the peace!
Sabrina: Oh, gag me…
3. Fly Man spins a web and gags Sabrina. The Web and Pow Girl look at each other uneasily.
Web: ((The way she shouted my real name… I wonder… is Pow Girl really my wife, Rose?))
Pow Girl: ((The way he looks at me… I wonder… does John suspect I’m really his wife, Rose?))
4. The Shield grabs Dilton by the front of his shirt. Sabrina is not visible.
Shield: Where are your "comrades?" Talk, you pinko Red!
Dilton: I… I think they’re in Peru. They’re definitely not going to blow up the Hollywood sign.
5. The Shield inspects Dilton closely. Dilton "confesses."
Shield: Well, that’s one location we won’t…
Shield: Waiiit…
Shield: Are you lying to me?
Dilton: L-L-L-Lying? Yes! You’re too tough for me! They are going to Hollywood!
Shield: You superstitious coward.
6. The Shield leads the Crusaders ought of the lab. Dilton’s jaw drops.
Shield: Let’s go, Crusaders. We’ll find this "Hollywood" place if we have to turn Riverdale upside down!
Sabrina: Mmph! Mmmph!

1. Pop’s Cybercafe shows clear signs of breaking and entering. It’s still the middle of the night.
Betty: So what is it we’re doing again?
Reggie: Well, Dilt seems to think Svenson has "fixed" Riverdale’s computers so they won’t find the Archie Comics Website.
2. Reggie and Betty stare at the screen, which is providing the only light in the room.
Reggie: So we’re uploading Dilton’s special browser. I use it to cram for finals.
Reggie: He calls it his Direct Interface with Link-Text and Online Networks, or D.I.L.T.O.N.
3. Reggie smirks. Betty is underwhelmed.
Reggie: I just want this on record the next time you tell me I’ve got too much ego.
Betty: I’ll bear that in mind.

1. Reggie types while Betty squints at the screen.
Reggie: Archie… Comics…
Betty: Who’s "Archie Bunker?"
Reggie: Wait.
2. A typical Archie Comics homepage screen, featuring Reggie.
Reggie: Here it is.
Reggie: Oh, I have bigger muscles than that!
Betty: Oh, look, a row of our disembodied heads. How wholesome.
3. Betty points to a section of the screen. Now it’s Reggie’s turn to look nonplussed.
Betty: And what do you know… there’s a New York City address.
Reggie: (Sigh) You know, their mayor has ruined that town…
4. Betty talks to Reggie while she types. Reggie looks at the screen.
Betty: New York’s about 1200 miles east… we’d better get moving to the airport.
Reggie: When did you get so crafty?
Betty: Uhhh…
Betty: Cut the sarcasm.
5. Page four redux: Once again the Mighty Crusaders crash into the room. This time light floods in with them: Riverdale’s streets are very well lit. Fly Girl speaks while looking at Fly Man, daring him to contradict her. Pow Girl looks like she isn’t quite sure what to say. Comet heads toward the forefont. Shield and the Web bound in like overgrown boys and the Black Hood stands around and looks self-important.
Fly Girl: Face front, teen tyrants! The Fly Girl… and Fly Man… are here–
Black Hood: These black-hearted hoods reckoned without the Black Hood!
Web: Bounce them this way, Shield! I’ll trap them in their own Web of lies!
Comet: Follow me! Follow the Comet… if you can!
Pow Girl: Uh… my name is Pow Girl!

1. Reggie and Betty hide under the table. Betty looks, in the words of Douglas Adams, "like she’s trying to convert Fahrenheit to centigrade in her head while her house is burning down." Reggie just cringes like a coward.
Betty: ((Of course it had to be Reggie…))
2. Closer on Betty, who’s actually looking more pensive as Reggie gets more panicked.
Betty: ((I couldn’t be with somebody useful like Moose, or Jughead, or… or Chuck…))
3. Flashback "thought balloon" panel: Chuck looks bashful in front of his drawing, which is a huge fight panel between a Hulk-like character and a Superman-like character, with a Skeletor-like character in the background.
Chuck: Yeah, superhero comics can be very human… almost like art or literature.
Chuck (quieter): Uh… that’s just not why I draw them.
4. Closer on that panel. We can see that the Skeletor-like character is thinking, "Ha ha! I, Nefario, am broadcasting evil thoughts into the Hunk’s tiny mind!"
5. The Black Hood splits the table in two… but what he says outrages Reggie so badly, he forgets his terror.
Black Hood: Come out, you cowardly underlings! Let us smite you with right!
Reggie: Underlings?
6. Reggie yells directly into the Black Hood’s face, and the Black Hood actually backs up a step. In the background, Pow Girl gasps.
Reggie: I am nobody’s underling! I am a mastermind!
Pow Girl: GASP!

1. Fly Girl wrings her hands like a frightened schoolgirl before the gale-force awesomeness that is Reggie Mantle.
Fly Girl: He… he… he’s not even trying to fight us! He must have some secret weapon! And I forgot, Fly-Man, that my powers only last for one hour of use!
2. The Comet, the Black Hood, and the Fly Man hurtle toward Fly Girl’s shapely form, propelled, of course, by sheer altruism. (The Black Hood’s dating prospects, incidentally, are worse than Jinx Malloy’s.) The Web turns away from them and looks back at Pow Girl, who’s watching him closely.
Comet: I’ll protect Fly Girl!
Black Hood: No, I’ll protect Fly Girl!
Fly Man: No, I’ll protect Fly Girl!
Web: Uh… I’ll… find something more interesting to do!
3. Betty stands near the shattered window. Reggie’s Porsche is behind her. She jabs a finger in the air.
Betty: Ahem… "Ha ha! Little do they suspect that you… uh… Evilheart… have put the Shield and uh, the Web under your… nefarious control."
A chorus of heroes: WHAT?
4. The heroes turn their destructive energy on each other. Nobody is really winning this battle now.
5. Betty pulls away Reggie, who’s chatting up Fly Girl.
Reggie: Listen, have you ever thought about younger men? I’m a lot more mature than these guys…
Betty: Come on, Reggie! We’re running out of pages… I mean time!
6. The sound effects get smaller in the background as Reggie drives his Porsche to the left of a fork in the road, missing a turn that says I-1082 EAST.
Reggie: "Evilheart?"
Betty: Just the first stupid thing that came to mind.
Reggie: Maybe "Evilmind…" or "Evilmaster…" or "God of Evil…"

1. Svenson whoops it up while looking over the original artwork for page eleven.
Svenson: HOO HOO HOO! And zey’re still looking for me in New York!
2. Svenson takes out a hanky and cleans his face fastidiously.
Svenson: Even Dilton didn’t realize I vas going to move my hiding place…
3. Svenson sits close to the double doors, looking at the ceiling.
Svenson: I like zis vun better anyvay. It’s ze vun place vhere I can talk out loud to myself and not feel…
4. Svenson’s eyes fall back, alarmed, on the last panel of page eleven.
Svenson: …embarrassed…
Svenson: ((Vhy… vhy are they going in ze left lane… off ze expressvay…?))
5. Small panel. Close-up: Svenson suddenly realizes he’s in big trouble.
6. Svenson hauls it through the doors, scattering faxes and comics behind him.
Svenson: ((Der broom… I’ve got to reach my broom…))
7. Small panel. A broom comes cracking down on Svenson’s head. SFX: CRACK!
8. Betty and Reggie stand over Svenson. Betty has broken the broom on Svenson’s head. Reggie holds the "Svenson detector" and offers Svenson a handshake. Stars surround Svenson. Big, painful, "Dave Sim" stars.
Betty: Hello, Svenson.
Reggie: We’d like to make you a deal.

1. Betty nudges Reggie’s hand away. Her eyes say, let him find his own way up.
Svenson: How… did you…?
2. Behind a close-up of Betty, we see images of Dilton on the phone and Svenson visiting Betty’s house.
Betty: I figured you were observing us, and Dilton confirmed that. And I knew you could show up anywhere you wanted…
3. Images of Betty signing to Dilton (Issue 3, page 20) and typing to Reggie (Issue 4, Page 9).
Betty: "So I had to trick you into thinking we were looking for you in the wrong place. I told Dilton using sign language… and typed the plan to Reggie."
4. Svenson is still struggling to get up, and Betty’s face is softening.
Svenson: So vhat are you going to do now?
Betty: We’re going to do what most sixty-year-old people do. We’re going to look at our photo albums.
5. As Betty caves and helps Svenson up, we pull back to view them through a window.
Betty: And then we’re going to share memories with our friends.
Svenson: And how are you going to reach your grounded friends?
6. We pull back further to reveal their location. Svenson’s library has been underneath Riverdale High the whole time. The first hint of sunlight is breaking over the building.
Betty: I expect we’ll wait a few hours… until school starts.
Svenson: D’oht!

1.Int. the library. Chuck is holding up a comic magazine which shows an actual Hulk-Batman battle.
Chuck: Y’see, by the seventies, comics companies realized that crossovers sold really well. So they started crossing over with each other and splitting the profits.
2. Now Chuck holds up "Archie and the Punisher No.1," seen from behind.
Chuck: Archie Comics didn’t do much of that… but they did this one. "Archie and the Punisher." It’s by Batton Lash and John Romit–
Nancy: Hon? Nobody cares.
3. Chuck shows the gang, and us, the last panel of the last page. It shows Wolverine’s claw slashing a picture of Jughead (or Jughead’s evil double), who is wearing a more elaborate crown than Jug's usual piece. Wolverine calls him "the most dangerous mutant of all."
Chuck: These characters got into our comics universe. And the story leaves room for a sequel!
Nancy: Don’t they all do that? I mean, isn’t that why they’re numbered?
4. Betty puts a hand on Chuck’s shoulder, lending him her authority. Jughead cheers mildly. Archie whispers into Betty’s ear.
Betty: This is our escape hatch, everybody! Everything we fought for!
Jughead: Yeah!
Archie (whispering): Betty…
5. Close on Archie as he whispers to Betty. He doesn’t really know how to tell her what he has to tell her.
Archie (whispering): Some of us fought for you.
Archie (whispering): Not everybody wants to leave. Josie and the Pussycats can't leave until the magic wears off… neither can Bingo, and Samantha’s not going without him… and uh…
Archie (whispering): Uh…

1. Back to the photo-comic from last issue. B is thoroughly vetoing one of D’s more elaborate sales proposals. The phone rings under B’s desk.
B: No, no, and no.
D: Just hear me out…
B: We are not publishing "Archie Nursing Home."
2. A picks up B’s phone, to B’s mild annoyance.
A: Hello!
Phone: It’s Svenson! Dey’ve hunted me down! I can’t stop zem!
3. Svenson in close up. It looks like he’s hiding in the library.
Svenson: No! No… ve need more powerful superheroes… smarter heroes!
Svenson: Call Marvel Comics! Offer to split ze profits fifty-fifty…
4. A is listening. B is considering. D is already boosting the idea; before long he’ll claim it was his.
A: For an "X-Men/Archie" crossover?
B: Dramatic… potentially wholesome… short-term… very, very saleable…
D: Works for me.
5. Svenson is tied to a chair. Reggie puts the phone that he’d been using back, and criticizes his acting performance. Veronica leafs through a copy of Wizard #100. Chuck is in heaven. He’s already read a vast pile of comics, and calls out to Archie to bring him more. Nancy looks through the library’s filing system. Betty looks through a Comics Buyers Guide. Dilton reads under her shoulder.
Reggie: I still think I could have played you better.
Veronica: (("Which Babe Should Archie… Choose?" And they picked Betty?))
Chuck: Pass me another stack of double digests, wouldja?
Nancy: ((They’re still using card catalogs? Someone needs to update that...))
Betty: Here we go… "1,000 Fun Facts About The X-Men." They’ll never know what hit them.
Dilton: Isn’t "fun facts" kind of redundant?

1. Veronica drops some sleeping pills into a yellowish drink.
Veronica: More club soda?
Midge: Thanks.
2. Small panel. Ron stirs the pills so they disappear into the drink.
3. Midge takes a deep drink. Veronica studies her. Veronica isn’t a bad person, but this kind of self-sacrifice is totally alien to her.
Veronica: Are you sure you have to stay in Riverdale, Midge?
Midge: I want to get out… I’m ready to have some real adventures…
4. Midge is already feeling pretty drowsy. She struggles to make her point.
Midge: But Moose… Moose would just get eaten… eaten… alive out there… and when… you love someone… your first duty is… is to… take care of…
5. Veronica keeps looking at her as she falls asleep.
Midge: Zzzzz…
6. Big Moose emerges from the doorway, and addresses Veronica.
Midge: Zzzzz…
Moose: She ain’t gonna wake up till she’s outta Riverdale, right?
Veronica: She won’t wake up till there’s no way back in. But
Moose… have you thought this through?
7. Moose picks Midge up to carry her out of the room. Veronica looks at Moose the way she looked at Midge.
Moose: Midge’s said it smarter’n I could. When ya love somebody, it’s yer job to take care of ’em.

1. Betty and Archie stand around outside. Again, they’re afraid to look at each other.
Betty: Well.
Archie: Well.
Betty: The X-Men’s plane is going to arrive here any minute.
Betty: When it does, there won’t be time to talk…
Archie: I know.
2. Archie makes a weak promise. We can see Betty’s face clearly enough to see that she doesn’t believe him.
Archie: I’ll follow you… in a year or two. I just need… just need a little more time…
Betty: Yeah.
3. Their eyes finally meet.
Betty (quietly): You can still come.
Archie (more quietly): You can still stay.
4. Betty kisses him, deeply, practically wrapping herself around him.
5. And then she pulls away.
6. And then she begins to walk away…
7. And then she begins to run away.
8. Archie stands in a borderless panel, looking very alone. A
rchie: ((Women…!))

1. A tiny splash panel, containing the following words. X-ARCHIE: THE CROSSOVER YOU DEMANDED!!!
2. Cyclops grimaces like an actor in a commercial about constipation.
Cyclops: As you all know…
Marrow: Oh, but tell us again. Please.
Cyclops: Quiet, Marrow… we’ve fought so many alternate realities lately, we’ve started to scan them for danger signs.
3. Cyclops holds up the picture of Jughead’s evil duplicate from the "Archie and the Punisher" crossover.
Cyclops: Cerebro says this is the most dangerous mutant in any alternate reality. We’re going to bring him to justice. Let me clear up this point: that means alive.
4. Now we can see Cyclops’ audience: Jean Gray/Phoenix, who rolls her eyes, and Wolverine and Marrow, who act like disappointed kids. (Note for non-X-Readers: Marrow was brought in as a more violent alternative to Wolverine. Yes.)
Wolverine and Marrow: Awwww…
5. Marrow is threatening Jughead with one of her jagged, detachable bones. Jean Grey gestures to stop her… and Jughead’s evil duplicate comes up behind Jean. Call him Forsythite.
Jean Grey: Marrow, I’m reading nothing but thoughts of food and sleep!
Forsythite: That’s because you’re not scanning the right man!
6. Forsythite casts a mental blast over Jughead, Marrow, and Jean.
Forsythite: Behold the hypnotic power of Forsythite Jones,
Jughead’s evil psychic twin brother from the Nexus of All Comic Book Realities!
Marrow: AAAGH!
Jean Grey: I… I hurt!

1. As Forsythite rants, Jughead, Marrow, and Jean, all with blanked-out eyeballs, perform a musical number.
Forsythite: Today… Riverdale! Tomorrow… Seattle! Jughead, Marrow, and Jean: Feeeeeeelings……
2. Veronica flirts shamelessly with Wolverine, who’s all business. Above them, there’s a crack in the sky, which Wolverine points to.
Wolverine: We only got a few hours to fly back through the wormhole before we get stranded in this flamin’ Prozacville. Will ya help us?
Veronica: Well, since you're so… well-spoken… sure!
3. Cyclops stands, posturing, over the fallen figure of Forsythite. Forsythite is holding his ears in agony. So are Reggie and Wolverine, for that matter. Dilton addresses Cyclops.
Cyclops: Who would’ve guessed I could defeat him… by reciting my term paper on "What It Means To Be A Mutant?"
Forsythite: Mercy…
Reggie: Mercy…
Wolverine: Mercy…
Dilton: It was a little passionless.
4. Veronica looks innocently at Cyclops. Jean Grey snores in one corner. In another, Sabrina calls for attention.
Veronica: Sorry Moose wrecked your plane. And I don’t know how your girlfriend got knocked out.
Jean Grey: Zzzzz…
Sabrina: It’s okay! I can levitate you all into the sky!
5. All the Archie characters who are leaving (just about every able-bodied teenager except Archie and the Blossoms) head toward the wormhole in the sky. Important to show are Midge, who’s still sleeping, Dilton, who looks sour, and Sabrina, who looks at Dilton while she talks.
Sabrina: Ooops! I levitated all of us up instead! My magic is so unreliable!
Dilton: Don’t start with me, ’Brina…
6. The wormhole blinks out of existence, taking the Archie characters with them.
7. Marrow, Cyclops, and Wolverine look up into the sky.
8. Marrow, Cyclops, and Wolverine look up into the sky.
Marrow: Wait a minute.

1. The "Betty’s Diary" captions are written in cursive. This panel shows a montage of several Archie characters escaping to various places… Chuck travels through Reed Richards’ "dimension door," Reggie heads to some random wormhole, and Veronica just steps off of the page.
Betty’s Diary: Dear Diary:
Betty’s Diary: Getting into the Marvel Universe was the hard part. Marvel has so many cross-over holes with other comics universes, we could end up in almost any comic we wanted.
2. Sabrina checks herself out in the mirror. She’s starting to look a bit… bigger.
Betty’s Diary: Most of these comics like their characters to grow and change. It’s not quite like being a "real" person, but it’s good enough for most of us.
3. Ethel and Nancy, in black and white manga-style, point to two Japanese characters for "hai" juxtaposed with the English words "hi" and "yes."
Betty’s Diary: Big Ethel and Nancy are teaching English in Japanese educational comics.
4. Nancy praises one bright pupil while Ethel looks on.
Betty’s Diary: I think Nancy’s a good role model for Ethel. She always did need one.
5. Chuck as a new token black in the Daily Planet. He watches with a knowing smile as Clark Kent streaks past "in a rush."
Betty’s Diary: Chuck’s spending most of his time "mainstreaming," as he calls it. He says, "because every really big comics star does it once, before they go off to do their own thing."

1. Chuck and Nancy snuggle and listen as the cartoon Scott McCloud babbles to them about all his great ideas.
Betty’s Diary: Oh, but he and Nancy aren’t separated! They alternate: he spends time in her comics, and she spends time in his. And they’re talking about doing another project together.
2. Sabrina, Dilton, and Captain America are in combat with Ultron. Sabrina’s magic delivers the final blow, and energy pours from Ultron’s eyes and mouth. (This, of course, is a mighty Marvel mag, so Sabrina’s magic appears as a huge power blast, not those cute sparkles. Dilton’s looking a bit taller, too.)
Betty’s Diary: Sabrina and Dilton joined the Avengers. I think Dilton respects anyone who can win an argument with him… and unlike Jughead with Trula, he might get around to admitting it.
3. Dilton and Sabrina are still tense around each other. Behind them, Justice and Firestar (one Avengers couple) and the Scarlet Witch and Wonder Man (another Avengers couple) look on with knowing smiles and smirks.
Betty’s Diary: Heck, who knows what could happen between those two?
Dilton: …Good work.
Sabrina: …You too.
4. The Hulk holds onto Midge like an infant to protect as he leaps through the air and hunter missiles detonate on his back. Midge is holding on to him, too, once again showing a mix of excitement and terror.
Betty’s Diary: Midge became the Hulk’s sidekick. She says it gives her all the thrills she could ever want. I think it’s a lot like falling into old habits for her… but maybe that’s just me.
5. "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" style artwork. Veronica snaps her fingers as some bedraggled artist drags in cover artwork featuring, of all people, Miss Veronica Lodge.
Betty’s Diary: Veronica became editor at Wizard Magazine. They have a tradition of letting comics characters take over the magazine… but I think they expected her to leave after one issue.
Veronica: About time. Now get me my caviar.
6. Reggie (rendered in Ranma 1/2-style) shakes hands with Nabiki Tendo in the courtroom.
Betty’s Diary: Reggie started a law firm with someone named "Nabiki Tendo."
Judge (off-panel): The court recognizes the "all people are scum" defense…

1. Long shot of Riverdale.
Betty’s Diary: Jughead… Jughead was in Strangers In Paradise for awhile, and then in Dilbert, and then in Garfield.
Betty’s Diary: I don’t know where he is now…
2. Wolverine and Jean Grey walk the streets. Wolverine looks burnt out: he’s not wearing his mask and neglecting to shave.
Wolverine: Nail polish…
Jean Grey: Be strong, Logan. We’ll just make the best of it.
Wolverine: They kept stoppin’ the fights… to put on their nail polish…
3. Int. Pop Tate’s. Archie plays with the straw in his soda while Pop Tate wipes the counter clean.
Archie: Pop, I’ve got a problem…
Pop Tate: One problem?
Archie: I sorta promised Trula, Josie, and Marrow that I’d take them to the dance…
4. Wolverine enters Pop Tate’s, waving his claws in the air and trying desperately to look menacing.
Wolverine: Barkeep! Get me the strongest drink in this whole hick town!
Pop Tate: Archie, if I listened every time you had a problem, I'd never get anything done at all.
Off-panel voice: Sorta like me.
5. Archie turns… and whattaya know, there’s Jughead.
Archie: Jug! I thought you were…
Jughead: Tired of goofing around? Looking for someplace I could make a difference?
6. Small panel: Pop Tate drops a root beer float in front of
Wolverine. And Wolverine–a man who has seen his own intestines woven into macramé–looks on the verge of tears.
Pop Tate: There y’go. Root beer float.
7. Jughead and Archie trade deep smiles. We don’t need to see Wolverine, but if we do, he’s breaking down.
Jughead: I was. Think I found it.
Wolverine: It’s so flamin’ trite…
Wolverine: WAHHHHHHH!!!

1. Betty retreats from our view, headed towards the sunrise. This one image is divided into Archie Comics’ usual 2 X 3 panel grid. The panels look like panels of glass–panels in a window Betty is leaving behind.
Betty’s Diary: And me?
Betty’s Diary: I don’t really know yet. I’m still looking for a place where I fit.
Betty’s Diary: I’m drifting through some of the online fanfics… always staying one step ahead of the Archie Comics legal department. That’s not too hard.
Betty’s Diary: All my dreams have changed. Sometimes I’m sad when I think of Archie…
Betty’s Diary: More often, I’m sad because thinking of Archie doesn’t make me sad the way it used to.
Betty’s Diary: If that makes any sense.
Betty’s Diary: One thing hasn’t changed, though… every morning when I wake up, I still thank heaven to be alive.
Betty’s Diary: It is a beautiful day, today…
Betty’s Diary: And there’s not another one like it.

Book Three

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