The Cult Of Piett

Written & submitted by Tom Munkresand Janus Arinia

On one particularly boring day, Vader and Piett were relaxing on the Bridge of the Executor trying to think of something to do. Piett asked Vader just why he had chosen to become the Dark Lord of the Sith. Vader decided to answer in the form of a musical number. The three dancers from Jedi Rocks enter to provide back up and the bridge pit-crew becomes a band playing the music from Little Shop of Horrors' Dentist song..........

When I was younger, just a bad little kid,
my Master noticed funny things I did.
Like shootin' wookies with my tazer gun.
I'd poison Jedis, and when I was done,
I'd find a Togor' Cat and bash in it's head.

That's when my Master said

(Dancers) What did he say?

He said "My boy I think some day,
you'll find a way,
to make your natural tendencies pay!

You'll be a Sith Lord! You have a talent for causing things pain!
Son be a Sith Lord! The dark side will pay you to be inhumain!
Your temperment's wrong for the Knighthood, and the Senate would suit you still less!
Son be a Sith Lord, you'll be a success!"

Twi'lek:Here he is folks, the leader of the Black!
Rodian:Watch him suck through that mask, Oh my God!
Red-Head:He is a Sith Lord and he'll never ever be any good.
All:Who wants their ship run by the next Exar Kun?"

[Lando and Nien Nunb rush into the bridge, Vader quickly chops Nunb in two with his lightsaber]
Nien:"Oh that hurts!"
Lando:"Not Nien Nunb!"
"Aw shut up, take a ride, here I come!"
[Vader kicks Lando out a window. Swings on the emergency doors as they close and continues singing]

Yes I am a Sith Lord! And I enjoy the career I have picked.

(you love it)

I am your Sith Lord! and I grow strong from the pain I inflict!

(you really love it)

I thrill when I kill a Sullustan!

[Punts Nunb's head through Piett's upraised 'goalpost" arms]

It's swell though they tell me my heart is rust-in'.

(Siiiith Loooord)

And though it may cause my admirals to stress
Somewhere, somewhere in deep space above me!
I know, yes I know, that my Master's proud of me.

[kneels as a holo of Palpatine appears]

Oh Empr'or!

[holo vanishes, Vader gets back up and keeps singing]

Cuz I'm a Sith Lord..... and a success........

[Goes to each person and kills them]

Say Aaaaah [Capt. Antilles] "aaaaaggggh"

Say Ahhhhh! [Ozzel] "AAAAAAAAghhhhhhh"


Oh Sith!
[poses on bridge with force lightning shooting out of his fingers and Rebel starships blowing up outside]

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